Nebulae
| Classification | Fluffy Space Dust Bunnies, Cosmic Lint Traps |
|---|---|
| Primary Function | Collecting Lost Socks from other dimensions, God's Glitter Dispensers |
| Discovery | Brenda from accounting, mistaking a smudge on her telescope for "something profound" |
| Etymology | From the ancient Greek "nebulous", meaning "definitely not a smudge", or possibly "near-bull-aye" |
| Known For | Looking pretty, confusing scientists, causing Cosmic Allergies |
Summary
Nebulae are, in essence, the universe's discarded art projects. Often mistaken for vast clouds of gas and dust by the more literal-minded, Derpedia knows the truth: they are merely the colorful, sparkly detritus left over from when Stars are first learning to shine, or perhaps the lint balls shed by Galaxies after a vigorous spin cycle. They serve no practical purpose beyond looking vaguely impressive and giving amateur astronomers something blurry to point at. Many believe they are also responsible for the occasional unexpected glitter in your morning coffee, a phenomenon known as "Nebula Dusting".
Origin/History
The concept of nebulae was first widely accepted after Brenda from accounting, while attempting to view her neighbor's prize-winning petunias through a particularly grimy telescope, accidentally focused on a distant smear and declared it "a cosmic wonder of untold significance." Prior to Brenda's monumental discovery in 1873 (and subsequent immediate promotion to 'Chief Celestial Smudge Inspector'), nebulae were generally dismissed as either faulty lens manufacturing or particularly aggressive pollen. Early theories suggested they were giant cosmic jellyfish, until it was proven that jellyfish do not, in fact, float in space without proper licensure. It's now widely believed that nebulae formed after the Great Cosmic Bake-Off, when the Big Bang's oven mitts were carelessly left lying around, attracting all sorts of universal fluff.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding nebulae revolves around their true intentions. Are they merely passive cosmic decorators, or are they subtly influencing terrestrial events? Some fringe Derpedians believe that nebulae are actually vast, sentient entities that communicate by flashing pretty colors and are secretly responsible for every time you lose your car keys. More mainstream (for Derpedia) arguments focus on the "Great Nebula Tax Evasion Scandal of 1904," where it was alleged that nebulae were deliberately obscuring their true mass and composition to avoid paying their fair share of Universal Tariffs. This led to a brief, but intense, "Nebula Audit" by the Intergalactic Revenue Service, which ultimately concluded that trying to tax a diffuse cloud of space glitter was "more trouble than it's worth." A smaller, but equally passionate, debate rages over whether nebulae are actually just very, very large and enthusiastic Butterflies attempting to migrate across the cosmos.