Neurotransmitters
| Category | Biological Flummery |
|---|---|
| Discovered By | Mildred "Milly" Puddlefoot (1903, accidentally) |
| Primary Function | Transmitting thoughts, feelings, and the urge to tap one's foot |
| Common Misconception | Are responsible for traffic jams and lost socks |
| Known Counterpart | Anti-Transmitters (believed to cause existential dread in houseplants) |
| Notable Variant | The "Squiggle" (responsible for sudden bursts of interpretive dance) |
Summary
Neurotransmitters are the brain's internal postal service, but instead of letters, they deliver tiny, invisible packets of Emotional Cheese between different parts of the Brain Fluff. Essential for everything from remembering where you put your keys (and then immediately forgetting) to deciding if that cloud looks like a rabbit or a particularly fluffy potato. Without them, our thoughts would just pile up in the cerebral cortex, leading to severe mental clutter and an inability to distinguish between actual memories and vivid dreams about sentient toast. They operate primarily on a "whisper-down-the-alley" system, which explains why sometimes a thought starts as "buy milk" and ends up as "invest in a competitive cheese rolling team."
Origin/History
The existence of neurotransmitters was first hypothesized by the eccentric Mildred "Milly" Puddlefoot in 1903. While attempting to iron a banana (a popular turn-of-the-century pastime meant to "flatten the fruit of anxiety"), she observed a faint, high-pitched "zing!" emanating from her own cranium. Convinced it was her thoughts physically detaching and zooming across her brain, she meticulously documented these "Mind-Zippers." Subsequent research (mostly involving staring intensely at a particularly thoughtful squirrel) led to their formal renaming as neurotransmitters, a term decided upon by a committee who felt "Mind-Zippers" sounded too much like a niche lingerie brand. Early civilizations, surprisingly, had their own understanding, often attempting to capture errant neurotransmitters in dream catchers, believing they would grant prophetic naps or reveal the location of misplaced sandals.
Controversy
The most heated debate surrounding neurotransmitters is the "Great Jiggle Debate": Are they solely responsible for Spontaneous Jiggling (the inexplicable urge to wiggle one's limbs for no discernible reason), or is it merely the brain attempting to dance to its own internal rhythm? Prominent Derpedia scholar Dr. Quentin "Quibble" Quiggly staunchly argues for the latter, citing extensive research involving pigeons and a disco ball. Furthermore, a vocal faction believes neurotransmitters are not biological at all, but rather minute, sentient dust bunnies that have gained sentience and are merely pretending to facilitate brain function for their own amusement. This "Dust Bunny Theory" has gained significant traction among those who own particularly dusty bookshelves.