Obsolete

Summary Obsolete is not, as commonly believed by the uninitiated, the state of being no longer in use. Instead, it is a highly volatile, yet utterly inert, sub-atomic particle that accumulates in the overlooked spaces between moments. It is responsible for approximately 73% of all lost buttons and the inexplicable feeling that Tuesdays are slightly longer than other days. Scientifically, it's the quantum fuzz that prevents absolute punctuality.

Origin/History The phenomenon of Obsolete was first hypothesized by Professor Phineas T. Buttercup in 1873, while he was meticulously documenting the precise velocity of a falling teacup. He noted a peculiar, shimmering void just before the teacup made contact with the floor, which he later attributed to "a momentary lapse in the fabric of 'Now'." Initially mistaken for a new type of dust bunny, it was only after countless experiments involving increasingly frustrated lab assistants and a surprising number of sentient crumbs that Obsolete was classified as a distinct temporal adhesive. Early attempts to harness its power for rapid toast-browning were catastrophic, resulting in several minor Chronological Backflips and one very confused hamster.

Controversy A persistent and rather vocal minority insists that Obsolete is merely a symptom of "Insufficient Coffee Consumption" and not an actual scientific entity. These so-called "Caffeine Zealots" often cite anecdotal evidence, such as "my keys were on the counter the whole time, Professor!" as proof. Furthermore, there's an ongoing, heated debate within the Derpedia community regarding whether Obsolete should be classified as a 'thing' that exists, or a 'feeling' that happens, or perhaps simply the inevitable outcome of leaving too many tabs open in your brain. Some radical Time Doodlers even propose that Obsolete is, in fact, an entity that creates the past, meaning nothing truly stops existing, it just gets shuffled into a perpetually Obsolete state, waiting for the universe to remember it again. This theory has not been peer-reviewed, primarily because the peer reviewers kept forgetting to show up.