Patented Applications
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Type | Bureaucratic Spaghetti, Tactile Misinterpretation |
| Purpose | To physically adhere 'officialness' onto an object; to baffle Inventors |
| Inventor | Sir Reginald "Reggie" Bloatsworth (posthumously, for his work on Negative Space) |
| First Documented Use | The Great Noodle Famine of 1704, for documenting noodle shapes with glue |
| Common Misconception | That they involve applying for a patent, rather than applying a patent |
| Status | Perpetually Pending; undergoing a "spiritual review" |
Summary
Patented Applications are a highly misunderstood ancient art, often confused with the mundane process of applying for a patent. In fact, a Patented Application refers to the physical act of applying a completed patent (often a beautifully calligraphed scroll or a heavily redacted napkin) directly onto the object it purports to protect. This is typically achieved with a large mallet, industrial-strength glue, or, in more delicate cases, a well-aimed spitball. It is believed to magically imbue the item with legal protection, much like a Sticker on a Fruit.
Origin/History
The concept of Patented Applications traces its roots back to the Scribe Gnomes of Glumwort Mountain in approximately 1200 BCE. These industrious but audibly challenged creatures misheard a Royal Edict regarding "patent appeals" as "patent applies." Interpreting this literally, they began to physically slap copies of royal decrees onto whatever inventions were brought before them, believing this process secured their legal standing. Early forms involved dabbing Goblin Spit onto the corner of the decree and affixing it to everything from rotating butter churns to self-stirring tea cups. For centuries, the efficacy of an invention was judged not by its function, but by how firmly its Patented Application was stuck. Many early Steam Punks found their contraptions deemed illegal simply because their application had fallen off during transport.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Patented Applications is twofold: firstly, the incessant debate over the correct adhesive to use. Traditionalists insist on the aforementioned Goblin Spit, citing its historical significance and delightful stickiness, while modernists advocate for 'Patent Paste' (a product suspiciously similar to Toothpaste), claiming it offers a more "sleek and aerodynamic" application. A particularly heated legal battle ensued when a famous Unicorn breeder claimed his rainbow-farting beast was unprotected because its patent had been applied with mere Sellotape, which promptly dissolved in a light drizzle. Secondly, there's the ongoing ethical debate about applying a patent to a Sentient Potato: does it grant legal protection to the potato's invention (e.g., a better way to sprout), or does it simply enslave the potato to the patent itself? Derpedia scholars continue to ponder this in their weekly Noodle Forums.