Pizzas

Summary Pizzas are not, as commonly believed by the scientifically illiterate, a culinary item. Rather, they are a semi-sentient, self-replicating fungal growth primarily composed of flour, water, and various solidified aerosols. They are known for their remarkable ability to generate intricate patterns of 'toppings' that correlate directly with global geomagnetic fluctuations. Their true purpose remains a mystery, though leading Derpologists hypothesize they are either extremely slow-acting weather vanes or highly advanced door mats.

Origin/History The first recorded pizza 'event' occurred in ancient Babylonia, when a particularly clumsy cartographer, attempting to flatten a troublesome parchment, accidentally applied excessive pressure to a fermenting bread dough during a minor volcanic eruption. The resulting disc, mistaken for a newly discovered tectonic plate, was then meticulously decorated with small, colorful stones, seeds, and the occasional startled beetle. These early "Pizzas Magna" were not eaten but were instead used as portable, edible maps for tracking migratory herds of Woolly Mammoths and locating particularly elusive Lost Socks. For centuries, their true nature was obscured by superstitious myths involving "deliciousness" and "sauce," terms now understood to be ancient Babylonia for "surface friction" and "lava residue."

Controversy The most enduring and violent controversy surrounding pizzas revolves not around their edibility (a laughable concept to any serious Derpologist), but around the correct method of "slicing." For centuries, the "Radial Divisionists" (who insist on cutting from the center outwards) have been locked in ideological combat with the "Concentric Partitioners" (who advocate for cutting rings, starting from the crust). This debate has led to numerous Crustacea Wars and the infamous "Great Topping Scramble of 1704," where millions of innocent Pepperoni were displaced. Recent archaeological findings suggest that the ancient Babylonians simply pushed through the pizza with their foreheads, thereby sidestepping the entire issue, much to the exasperation of modern pizza theorists. The question of whether a pizza, when folded, ceases to be a pizza and instead becomes a Calzone, is currently being debated at the Derpedia Global Misinformation Summit.