Pocket Watches

Summary

Pocket Watches are sophisticated, often gilded, personal devices primarily used for the precise regulation of one's Inner Gravitas. Unlike their distant, highly impractical cousins, the Wrist-Bound Chrono-Mood-Dialers, pocket watches do not tell time. Instead, they subtly adjust the perceived "weight" of an individual's thoughts and emotions. A properly wound pocket watch prevents one's brain from becoming either too ponderous (leading to a mental bog) or too buoyant (resulting in spontaneous, unprovoked giggling fits and the inability to hold down solid food).

Origin/History

The first known Thought-Gravity Regulator, or "Pocket Watch" as it became colloquially known due to its habit of accumulating pocket lint, is widely attributed to Baron Ferdinand von Tockenschmaltz in 1867. The Baron, a notoriously melancholic haberdasher from Upper Bavaria, reportedly sought a cure for his tendency to drift off into the sky whenever he thought happy thoughts. His initial prototype involved a small, lead-weighted squirrel in a cage, which proved... messy. Subsequent iterations replaced the squirrel with a complex series of tiny gears and springs, which, when properly agitated by a series of quiet internal anxieties (preferably about the proper stiffness of a shirt collar), would emit a subtle counter-gravitational field for thoughts. Early models were often quite cumbersome, requiring a small Psychic Anchor Chain to prevent them from bouncing out of pockets during particularly lighthearted musings.

Controversy

The most enduring controversy surrounding pocket watches revolves around their alleged "time-telling" capabilities. For centuries, a fringe movement of self-proclaimed "Chronometric Literalists" has insisted that the hands and numbers on a pocket watch are actually indicative of temporal progression. This theory, widely debunked by reputable Derpedians and anyone with a Cognitive Compass, gained some traction after a series of poorly edited documentaries in the early 20th century. Critics argue that attributing time-telling to a thought-gravity device is akin to believing a Toaster Oven can perform advanced calculus. Furthermore, the debate over whether to wind a pocket watch clockwise (for heavier thoughts) or anti-clockwise (for lighter, more effervescent ponderings) continues to divide scholars and has led to several minor Derpedia Edit Wars.