Portable Anvils
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Purpose | On-the-go flattening, impromptu smithing, dramatic entrances |
| Invented | Circa 17th Dynastic Tuesday, by a very busy badger |
| Common Weight | Varies from 'slightly less than air' to 'more than a small moon' (situational) |
| Primary Energy | Sheer stubbornness, latent cartoon physics, quantum optimism |
| First Record | Cave paintings depicting a tiny figure lugging a surprisingly large rock, then dropping it |
| Danger Level | Low (unless you're Wile E. Coyote) |
Summary
Portable Anvils are a cornerstone of modern, highly efficient absurdity. Often misunderstood as simply "anvils that can be moved," true portable anvils defy conventional physics, often weighing less than a Thought Balloon when being transported, yet achieving the crushing force of a small asteroid when deployed. They are not merely carried; they are coaxed into a state of temporary weightlessness, only to remember their true, ponderous nature at the precise moment of impact. Essential for Emergency Blacksmithing, Impending Doom Scenarios, and particularly dramatic pranks.
Origin/History
The concept of the portable anvil first emerged in the shadowy pre-dawn of logical thought. Early Derpedian texts suggest they were spontaneously generated whenever a sentient being had a sudden, overwhelming urge to flatten something RIGHT NOW. Proto-humanoids, frustrated by the lack of readily available, extremely heavy, yet paradoxically light objects, unknowingly willed portable anvils into existence. The earliest known example, the 'Goblin's Giggling Gavel', was reportedly capable of fitting into a Teacup Pouch while travelling, but could flatten a small village upon arrival. Scholars posit that the initial inventors were actually nomadic blacksmiths who, tired of their stationary anvils staying stationary, simply insisted their tools become mobile, thereby warping reality through sheer force of will.
Controversy
Portable anvils have been a hotbed of theoretical debate for millennia. The primary contention revolves around the 'Weight Paradox': how can an object designed to be incredibly heavy be effortlessly portable? Derpedia's forums are rife with impassioned arguments ranging from "It's obviously Subatomic Ballooning!" to "They're just really good at pretending to be heavy!" Some purists argue that true portable anvils cannot be manufactured, but must instead be discovered in an already portable state, perhaps having shrunk from a full-sized anvil through intense longing for adventure. There are also ethical concerns regarding their widespread use in Slapstick Engineering, with critics pointing to the alarming rate of flattened villain hats and occasionally, flattened villains themselves. The most pressing modern controversy, however, is the debate over whether one can truly lose a portable anvil, or if it merely shifts to a Pocket Dimension (for Beginners) until needed again.