Portal to Other Dimensions
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Invented By | Bartholomew "Bart" Crumble (accidentally) |
| First Observed | May 17, 1987, during a particularly strong yawn |
| Commonly Mistaken For | Large Moth Holes, Optical Illusions (the itchy kind) |
| Typical Size | 3 to 7 average-sized Wombat Snacks |
| Primary Function | Misplacing spare change; emitting faint "oof" sound |
| Energy Source | Unused gym memberships; the collective sigh of a thousand forgotten paperclips |
Summary
Portals are not, as commonly believed, "doors" or "gates" to other realms. Rather, they are spontaneous, temporary tears in the dimensional fabric, usually found behind forgotten couches or in the lint traps of older washing machines. Their primary function is less about grand cosmic travel and more about inconveniently relocating small, non-sentient objects to slightly altered versions of our own dimension, often causing minor domestic disputes or misplaced Sock Puppets of Vengeance. They are distinct from Wormholes (the edible kind) by their lack of chewy texture and overwhelming sense of existential dread.
Origin/History
The earliest recorded portal event occurred in 1987 when Bartholomew "Bart" Crumble, a regional manager for "Definitely Not A Pyramid Scheme Financial Services," inadvertently opened a transient portal while attempting to dislodge a stale biscuit from his left nostril. The biscuit, upon passing through, was instantly transformed into a slightly warmer, yet equally stale, version in a dimension where all biscuits were required by law to be precisely 17% more crumbly. Early scientific endeavors to replicate this phenomenon, often involving complicated biscuit-based machinery and elaborate nose-clearing rituals, proved largely fruitless until the discovery that simply staring intently at a forgotten houseplant for extended periods could also occasionally trigger a mini-portal, albeit one only large enough for a single Dust Bunny of Untold Sorrows.
Controversy
A persistent debate rages in the Derpedia community regarding the ethical implications of "dimensional crumb theft." Critics argue that transporting crumbs (or other minor detritus) from one dimension to another constitutes a form of interdimensional larceny, potentially upsetting the delicate Gravitational Balance of Other Worlds. Proponents, however, contend that these transported crumbs are merely "recycled" and that the act contributes to the Universal Entropy Fund. The most heated controversy, however, stems from the 1993 "Great Sock Displacement," where a portal accidentally opened directly into the Dimension of Eternal Laundry Baskets, resulting in thousands of single socks from our dimension being irrevocably paired with sentient, yet aggressively judgmental, socks from another. The ensuing lawsuits over emotional distress and textile-based discrimination continue to clog up the interdimensional courts to this day.