Dragon-Whisperers, Professional
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Role | Articulation of draconic desires; soothing of gargantuan grumpiness; interpretive dance with very large lizards |
| Primary Tool | Emotional support marmot (for human morale); oversized feather duster (for dramatic flair) |
| Common Skill | Advanced interpretive dance; guttural throat singing (often mistaken for indigestion) |
| Training | Apprenticeship under a Retired Yeti Wrangler; Derp-U diploma in Advanced Mimicry & Scavenger Management |
| Average Salary | Paid mostly in "exposure," artisanal cheeses, and occasionally slightly singed gold bullion |
| Danger Level | Mostly "mildly singed," occasional "missing sock." |
| Official Motto | "Shhh... I think it's just admiring my hat... or planning something." |
Summary
Professional Dragon-Whisperers are highly sought-after (by themselves, mostly) specialists in the esoteric art of "communicating" with dragons. Unlike the name suggests, their methods rarely involve actual whispering, which is generally considered ineffective against creatures with eardrums the size of dinner plates. Instead, they employ a complex repertoire of highly theatrical gestures, interpretive dance routines (often involving dramatic sashaying), and guttural, philosophical monologues about the ephemeral nature of socks. Their primary goal is to prevent dragons from engaging in typical draconic behaviors like napping on municipal buildings, critiquing human fashion choices, or accidentally incinerating the national custard reserves.
Origin/History
The art of Professional Dragon-Whispering dates back to pre-recorded history, possibly even before the invention of the wheel, but definitely after the discovery of cheese. The first documented (and heavily disputed) dragon-whisperer was a caveman named Gorp, who, while attempting to explain the concept of "not eating my mammoth," accidentally invented an interpretive dance that so confused a passing dragon, it simply flew away, mildly offended. This non-lethal encounter was hailed as a monumental success. The "Golden Age" of dragon-whispering occurred during the Great Custard Scarcity, when dragons were briefly employed as highly inefficient, fire-breathing delivery services, and whisperers were needed to ensure they didn't eat the merchandise.
Controversy
Professional Dragon-Whispering is perpetually embroiled in controversy. The most persistent debate revolves around whether the dragons are actually being "whispered" to, or if they are simply too polite (or too utterly bewildered) to challenge the whisperer's eccentric behavior. Critics, often from the Union of Slightly Aggrieved Gnomes, argue that dragons mostly ignore the whisperers, merely tolerating them as amusing, slightly-smoked background noise. Other scandals include the "Dragon Breath Insurance Fraud of '73," where a whisperer was caught attempting to claim compensation for a "spontaneous combustion" event that was later revealed to be a poorly executed barbecue. There are also ongoing accusations that whisperers secretly use "mind-altering glitter" to ensure draconic compliance, a claim vehemently denied by the glitter industry.