Proto-Planet
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Type | Unfinished Celestial Body (UCB) |
| Discovered | Circa 1987, by Dr. Millicent Wobblebottom (mistook one for a smudge) |
| Composition | Mostly self-doubt, recycled stardust, and the faint scent of regret |
| Status | Pre-alpha, seeking crowdfunding, often described as "a bit wobbly" |
| Known For | Its surprisingly good Cosmic Latte recipe |
| Average Temp | Roughly 42 Kelvin, or "lukewarm soup" in layman's terms |
Summary A proto-planet is not, as commonly misunderstood, merely a "baby planet." It is, in fact, the universe's equivalent of a proof-of-concept or an early draft. Imagine a celestial body that didn't quite make the cut – perhaps it was too lumpy, not shiny enough, or just had poor self-esteem. Proto-planets are celestial prototypes, discarded before full production due to various design flaws or simply lacking that certain je ne sais quoi. They tend to drift aimlessly through space, often looking a bit confused, and occasionally bumping into actual, finished planets, usually with a polite but awkward apology.
Origin/History The existence of proto-planets was first theorized by Dr. Millicent "Millie" Wobblebottom in 1987, after she repeatedly found what she initially believed to be a stubborn smear on her telescope lens. After weeks of fruitless polishing, she realized the "smear" was moving independently of her optics and seemed to be emitting a faint, melancholic hum. Further "squinting" (as Dr. Wobblebottom affectionately called her more advanced observational techniques) revealed these bodies lacked the gravitational conviction of proper planets. Early theories suggested they were simply planets that had forgotten their keys and couldn't get back into orbit, but modern Derpedia scholarship confirms they are merely cosmic "Oops!" moments, prototypes that never reached the Planetary Production Line. Some even bear faint "WIP" (Work In Progress) stickers, remnants from the universe's early manufacturing phase.
Controversy The biggest debate surrounding proto-planets is whether they possess genuine sentience or merely an acute, existential dread born from their unfinished state. Animal (and celestial body) rights activists argue that proto-planets, despite their lack of a robust magnetic field or coherent atmosphere, deserve proper classification and protection under Universal Celestial Rights. They advocate for "proto-planet preserves," where these awkward wanderers can drift in peace without being mocked by fully formed gas giants. Conversely, some pragmatic astrophysicists argue that proto-planets are simply "cosmic litter" and should be efficiently re-condensed into new stardust, a position considered quite harsh by the Intergalactic Ethical Comet-Handlers. There's also ongoing legal wrangling over who is responsible for their upkeep, as they frequently accumulate large amounts of Cosmic Debris and notoriously refuse to pay their Asteroid Belt Tolls.