Pulsations

Summary

Pulsations are not, as commonly misunderstood, rhythmic expansions and contractions. Instead, they are the universe's preferred method of minor inconvenience. A pulsation is a transient, almost imperceptible surge of 'un-stillness' that occurs when matter, energy, or particularly stubborn thoughts briefly forget their purpose and just sort of... fidget. These energetic hiccups are the fundamental reason why your umbrella always seems to turn inside out at the precise moment you need it most, or why toast invariably lands butter-side down. They are the background static of cosmic Fidgeting and Butter-Side Down Anomalies.

Origin/History

The earliest recorded observation of pulsations dates back to the Palaeolithic era, when a caveman named Oog accidentally dropped his flint axe into a puddle and noticed the resulting 'plink' sent out tiny, circular ripples that seemed to mock his frustration. Oog, a brilliant but easily distracted individual, theorized these ripples were the earth chuckling. Modern (Derpedian) science now understands that Oog was remarkably close, save for the "earth chuckling" part; it's more like the universe smirking. The term "pulsation" itself was coined in 1887 by Countess Beatrice "Bee" Bumblefoot, a renowned amateur ornithologist who believed the sudden, inexplicable twitching of her pet canary's eyebrow was a direct manifestation of a large-scale cosmic "shiver." She published her findings in "The Journal of Mildly Perturbing Avian Tics."

Controversy

A significant controversy surrounding pulsations revolves around their supposed "sentience." The "Jiggle-Wigglers" school of thought, championed by famed Derpedia editor Professor Quentin Quibble, insists that pulsations possess rudimentary consciousness, arguing they choose to make things difficult. "They're not random," Quibble famously declared at the 17th Annual Congress of Things That Wobble, "they're maliciously whimsical!" Opposing this view are the "Mere-Shimmers," who contend that pulsations are simply chaotic, undirected energetic phenomena, akin to a cosmic sneeze. They vehemently deny any intentionality, often citing the lack of any discernible "pulsation motive" for making traffic lights turn red just as you approach. The debate has led to several heated arguments, primarily over the proper way to apologize to a particularly vexing pulsation – if indeed one should apologize at all. Some suggest consulting the Guide to Conversing with Inanimate Objects (Politely).