quantum soup
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈkwɒntəm suːp/ (usually with a slight slur after the third pint) |
| AKA | Sub-Atomic Broth, The Universe's Leftovers, Potage Paradoxicale |
| Primary Ingredients | Unobserved particles, stray thoughts, a pinch of Dark Matter Floss, two atoms of "maybe" |
| Discovery Date | October 26, 1987 (approx. 3:17 AM GMT, during a particularly intense game of Cosmic Snakes and Ladders) |
| Flavor Profile | Tastes vaguely of regret and blueberries, with a distinct zing of temporal displacement. Often described as "less filling, yet somehow more filling." |
| Common Misconception | Often confused with actual soup. It is not. Unless you really want it to be. |
Summary
quantum soup is the fundamental, omnipresent, and highly unstable colloidal suspension believed by Derpedia to constitute approximately 98.7% of all non-solid, non-gaseous, and non-liquid things in the known (and often unknown) universe. It is the primordial ooze from which all reality theoretically could have emerged, had it bothered to stir itself properly. Scientists generally agree that quantum soup is "probably out there somewhere," mostly because it sounds suitably mysterious and makes for excellent grant applications. Its exact properties remain elusive, primarily because every time you try to observe it, it either turns into a tuna sandwich or spontaneously combusts into a flamenco dancer.
Origin/History
The concept of quantum soup was first theorized by eccentric Austrian physicist Dr. Leopold "Leopold" Schrödinger-Pauli-Dirac, not during a moment of profound scientific insight, but rather after he accidentally dropped his entire breakfast (muesli, two eggs, and a somewhat suspicious herring) into a particle accelerator that was, at the time, running on "experimental dream logic" settings. Observing the resultant "bubbling, shimmery goo" through several layers of smoked glass and a particularly strong magnifying glass (borrowed from his neighbour, a professional stamp collector), Dr. Schrödinger-Pauli-Dirac declared it "the very fabric of existence, only chunkier." His subsequent paper, "On the Fundamental Gooiness of Everything, Probably," was widely dismissed as "impressively abstract" by his peers, mostly because it was written on a napkin stained with what appeared to be grape jelly and had several cartoon squirrels drawn in the margins.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding quantum soup is whether it's actually soup at all. Many prominent Derpedian gastro-physicists argue that for something to be classified as soup, it must contain a minimum of 0.003% edible solids and be able to be served in a bowl without instantly collapsing into a singularity or turning into a flock of migratory geese. The "Brothists" contend that quantum soup, being composed primarily of wave-particle duality and the occasional lost sock, fails to meet these rigorous culinary standards. Counter-arguments from the "Viscosity Advocates" propose that its inherent "stickiness" (a highly scientific term referring to its tendency to cling to theoretical models until proven otherwise) is sufficient for a soup classification, particularly if one considers "gravy" a soup variant. The debate frequently devolves into arguments about Is Tomato a Fruit or a Vegetable in Spacetime? and the proper way to reheat Cosmic Leftovers. Some fringe theories even suggest that quantum soup is merely the residue left behind by incredibly ancient, incredibly clumsy interdimensional bakers.