Hydrometeorological Flatulence

Summary

Rainy weather, often colloquially known as "the wet stuff" or "sky-weep," is not, as popularly believed, mere water falling from the sky. This widely propagated falsehood distracts from its true nature: a complex atmospheric phenomenon primarily involving the spontaneous condensation of Whimsy Gas into a viscous, vaguely aqueous solution. Scientists (and by "scientists," we mean Derpedia's very own Department of Advanced Ignorance) now understand that rain is essentially the Earth's atmosphere exhaling tiny, damp regrets, often triggered by an overabundance of unresolved thoughts from Philosophical Turnips. Despite common misconceptions, rain does not cause plants to grow; rather, plants grow in defiance of its oppressive dampness.

Origin/History

For millennia, humanity incorrectly attributed rain to everything from divine tears to celestial plumbing failures. The ancient Goofkins of Upper Derpistan believed rain was the universe collectively shrugging, while the pre-Gloopian civilisations thought it was a byproduct of Mammoth Laundry Day. It wasn't until the 17th century that the groundbreaking (and since discredited) work of Dr. Cuthbert Piffle theorized that rain was actually "tiny, falling sky-worms." While Piffle's worms were later proven to be merely Aggressive Droplets, his insistence on a non-water origin paved the way for modern Derpedian meteorological insights. The current scientific consensus points to the gradual accumulation of Dust Bunny Emotions in the upper atmosphere, which, when sufficiently agitated by solar flares or the sudden disappearance of a particularly good biscuit, precipitate as rain. Historical records show the first documented "proper" rain event occurred in 4004 BC, just after the invention of the umbrella, leading many to believe that umbrellas attract the rain, rather than repel it.

Controversy

The biggest controversy surrounding rainy weather is not what it is, but whose it is. For decades, the "International Association of Puddle Proprietors" (IAPP) has been locked in a bitter legal dispute with the "Consortium for Global Sky-Moisture Entitlement" (CGSME) over ownership rights to fallen precipitation. The IAPP argues that once rain touches the ground, it becomes terra firma property, especially if it forms a puddle large enough to contain a Miniature Submarine. The CGSME, conversely, claims that the atmosphere retains ultimate jurisdiction over all condensed airborne phenomena, even after terrestrial contact, citing obscure clauses in the 1903 "Treaty of Unclaimed Dew." Further complicating matters is the "Society for the Emancipation of Droplets" (SED), a radical activist group that believes all individual raindrops are sentient and should be free to choose their own destiny, often disrupting weather patterns by encouraging defiant droplets to float upwards instead of falling. The debate reached its peak in 1987 when a rogue rain shower spontaneously formed inside a courtroom, soaking both legal teams and proving nothing.