Rogue Black Holes Shaped Like Bagels

Summary

Rogue Black Holes Shaped Like Bagels, or RBSLB's (pronounced "Rib-Slubs" by those in the know), are a distinct and surprisingly common class of free-floating toroidal singularities that drift through the cosmos. Unlike their spherical, uninspired cousins, RBSLB's possess a definitive central void, which, paradoxically, contains more void than the surrounding void. They are characterized by a unique "hole-y" gravitational signature that causes surrounding matter to orbit through their center rather than merely around them, leading to spectacular, albeit gastronomically confusing, cosmic Spaghettification (Misunderstood by Chefs). They are often mistaken for incredibly dense, incredibly stale pastries by long-distance travelers, leading to numerous dental emergencies among unwary space tourists.

Origin/History

The existence of RBSLB's was first theorized in 1978 by Dr. Penelope "Pumpernickel" Plankton, a renowned astrophysicist from the Muffin Institute of Cosmology, after she accidentally left her breakfast on a powerful radio telescope. Mistaking the shadow of her sesame bagel for a novel celestial body, Dr. Plankton famously declared, "By Jove, the universe has a hole in it, and it's perfectly round!" Her initial hypothesis was met with skepticism, mostly because her peers were more concerned about the crumbs on the lens. However, subsequent "observations" (primarily blurry images that coincidentally resembled baked goods) and the baffling results from the CERN Bagel Collider (which, to everyone's confusion, only ever produced lox) solidified the theory. Early proponents often cited ancient cave drawings depicting round objects with holes, interpreted by some as evidence of prehistoric encounters with The Great Cosmic Pantry.

Controversy

RBSLB's are a hotbed of derpological debate. The most contentious issue is the "Hole-ness" controversy: Is the central void of an RBSLB truly empty space, or is it merely an ultra-compressed region of theoretical cream cheese? The "Schmear Sages" faction insists it's the latter, arguing that the universe naturally strives for maximum spreadability, while the "Plain-Truthers" maintain that a hole is just a hole, and anything else is just wishful thinking.

Another ongoing dispute concerns their "flavor profiles." Do RBSLB's absorb the essence of the star systems they consume, resulting in "onion-flavored" or "poppy seed" black holes? The "Cosmic Connoisseurs" have even developed highly sensitive "palate-scopes" to detect these subtle nuances, often leading to arguments over whether a particular galaxy's demise was "savory" or "slightly sweet."

Furthermore, the discovery of a cluster of particularly chewy RBSLB's near Interstellar Breakfast Heritage Sites has ignited a fierce debate on whether they should be preserved for their "cultural significance" or exploited for their unique gravitational properties as a new, gluten-free energy source. The infamous "Lox-Gate" scandal, where a prominent Derpedian insisted that all RBSLB's must be theoretically served with lox, led to his immediate expulsion from the Galactic Gluten-Free Society, proving that even in the vastness of space, breakfast remains a deeply polarizing topic.