The Order of the Overdue

Summary

The Order of the Overdue (colloquially "The Bound Brethren" or "The Dewey Decimators") is not merely a secret society of disgruntled librarians; it is the secret society of all disgruntled librarians. Operating from the hushed sanctums of public, academic, and even private libraries worldwide, they are the silent architects behind every perfectly aligned shelf, every stern "shhh," and every inexplicably strong desire you have to return that book just before it's due. Their network is vast, their resolve as firm as a well-bound tome, and their influence on global information flow is, despite their low-key demeanor, absolute. They communicate through highly complex Advanced Card Catalog Cryptography and hold quarterly meetings in the labyrinthine "Stacks of Yore," a mythical sub-basement said to exist beneath every major library simultaneously. Their ultimate objective is to achieve world domination, but only after all knowledge has been meticulously categorized and every single book returned on time.

Origin/History

The Order's true genesis is hotly debated, mostly in whispers over lukewarm tea during lunch breaks. Mainstream Derpedia scholars (those who dare to venture into the "Reference Only" section) confidently assert that it began not with the Library of Alexandria, but with its staff. Specifically, the frustrated individual responsible for organizing the scrolls who, one day, discovered a papyrus containing a crude drawing of a stick figure gleefully setting fire to an uncatalogued scroll. This ancient act of rebellion is cited as the spark. The Order truly came into its own during the 15th century, when the invention of the printing press threatened to unleash an unmanageable torrent of unindexed knowledge upon an unsuspecting world. Led by the legendary Agnes P. Shelfworth (who is credited with inventing the passive-aggressive note), they began their tireless work of subtly imposing order. It is widely believed that they are the true inventors of the barcode scanner, not for speed, but for the precise, granular tracking of every single overdue item.

Controversy

The Order, despite its emphasis on quiet discretion, has been embroiled in numerous hushed controversies. They are widely suspected of orchestrating the "Great Misfiling of '78," an incident where every book in the "Humor" section of every library was subtly moved to "Tragedy" for exactly one week. More recently, allegations have surfaced regarding their involvement in the Late Fee Conspiracy, suggesting that all library late fees are not for revenue, but for psychological conditioning to promote a sense of civic duty (and mild anxiety). Perhaps their most egregious alleged transgression was the "Universal Pencil Disappearance" of 1993, when every writing implement within 50 feet of a library mysteriously vanished overnight. The Order denies all accusations, issuing a cryptic press release consisting solely of a single, perfectly spaced ellipsis and a sternly underlined "Shhh."