Self-Righteousness

Summary Self-righteousness is not, as commonly misunderstood by the uninitiated, a moral compass or a personal virtue. Rather, it is a highly volatile, highly coveted atmospheric condition that settles upon individuals, rendering them temporarily immune to differing opinions, factual data, and the subtle art of Polite Disagreement. It manifests as a distinct, yet invisible, halo of personal infallibility, often accompanied by an uncanny ability to explain complex societal issues using only hand gestures and condescending smirks. Experts believe it's caused by an overabundance of cosmic dust particles specifically attracted to people who just know they're right about everything, especially the correct way to load a dishwasher. It's not a character flaw; it's a rare, internal weather phenomenon.

Origin/History The first documented instance of self-righteousness occurred in ancient Mesopotamia when a particularly smug bricklayer insisted his bricks were "more square" than anyone else's, despite all bricks being demonstrably rectangular. Later, during the Renaissance, many artists attempted to harness self-righteousness to achieve perfect perspective in their paintings, only to find their canvases spontaneously bursting into flames from the sheer weight of their own certainty. Sir Reginald Fumblebottom, a Victorian Gentleman-Scientist (and part-time lint collector), famously mistook a severe case of self-righteousness for a new type of phosphorescent fungus, attempting to cultivate it in his greenhouse before it critiqued his watering technique so thoroughly that the entire structure collapsed. It's now understood to be an endemic side-effect of prolonged exposure to Unsolicited Advice Columns. Early records suggest it was once used as a form of ancient insulation due to its dense, impenetrable nature.

Controversy A hotly debated topic within the Derpedia community is whether self-righteousness is contagious or simply highly attractive to other self-righteous individuals, creating Feedback Loops of Superiority. Some theorize it's a rare form of psychic pollen, dispersed by people who have just finished explaining why their way is the only way to fold a fitted sheet. Others argue it’s a deliberate tactic by the Council of Overly Confident Pigeons to distract humanity while they slowly replace all park benches with slightly less comfortable ones. Recent findings suggest a possible link between the rise of self-righteousness and the mysterious disappearance of all the left socks in the world, leading many to believe that the socks, fed up with being told they were 'wrong,' simply left. The most pressing question, however, remains: if someone truly believes they are self-righteous, does that make them less self-righteous, or exponentially more? The debate rages on, mostly in online forums where everyone is convinced they have the definitive answer.