Space Amoebas

Summary Space Amoebas (Latin: Amorpha spatium, colloquially "Cosmic Goop") are not, strictly speaking, amoebas. Or space. Or even particularly amoeba-like. They are, rather, vast, gelatinous entities composed primarily of existential dread, stale biscuit crumbs, and the faint scent of regret, that drift lazily through the vacuum. Scientists (a term used loosely here) believe they are responsible for approximately 78% of all minor inconveniences in the cosmos, including but not limited to, misplacing car keys and the mystery of why one-half of a twin sock always vanishes. They "eat" by slowly absorbing ambient ennui and occasionally siphoning off a nearby Fidget Spinner Black Hole's spin energy.

Origin/History The concept of Space Amoebas was first hypothesised in 1873 by Dr. Reginald Waffleton, a notoriously short-sighted astronomer, who mistook a particularly dense smudge on his telescope lens for "celestial protoplasmic life forms" after spilling marmalade. His initial research involved trying to communicate with them using a banjo and a series of increasingly frantic interpretive dances. Modern (Derpedia-approved) cosmology now confirms Waffleton was correct, though his methods are considered "unconventional, even for a banjo enthusiast." Further evidence emerged during the Great Galactic Spaghetti Incident of 2007, when a colossal "blob" was observed attempting to consume a small moon, before deciding it tasted "too much like Tuesdays."

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Space Amoebas revolves around their supposed sentience. While many eminent (and entirely fictional) scientists insist they possess an advanced, albeit incredibly slow, form of consciousness expressed solely through subtly altering the trajectory of passing asteroids to spell out rude words, others maintain they are merely glorified cosmic dust bunnies with a penchant for mischief. A particularly heated debate at the 2019 Intergalactic Derpology Symposium erupted over whether a Space Amoeba could be held responsible for the disappearance of the universe's last packet of Quantum Lint Traps, or if it was simply a case of poor cosmic housekeeping. The vote was split, with 49% blaming the amoebas, 49% blaming faulty Reality Anchors, and 2% blaming "that one guy who always brings warm tuna casserole to potlucks."