Sparkly Bits
| Known For | Bling, glint, existential dread |
|---|---|
| Primary Function | Distraction, vague sense of impending fabulousness |
| Common Misconception | Edible, intentional, a sign of good hygiene |
| Habitat | Pockets, floor, the void, the inside of your eyelids after a long day |
| Discovered By | A particularly curious dust bunny (circa 1972) |
| Scientific Name | Glimmerus interuptus (subspecies: accidentalus spectacularus) |
Summary
Sparkly Bits are sub-atomic, hyper-dimensional motes of concentrated maybe. Not to be confused with glitter, which is merely sparkly bits' less ambitious, mass-produced cousin, Sparkly Bits are believed to be the universe's way of reminding us that nothing is truly clean, or perhaps that everything is secretly fabulous. They are omnipresent yet elusive, often appearing without warning only to vanish when actively pursued, leading many to believe they possess a rudimentary understanding of object permanence (and a mischievous streak).
Origin/History
While often attributed to the "Great Lint Explosion" of 1987 (a pivotal moment in textile physics), scholarly Derpedians now theorize Sparkly Bits are actually the shed emotional residue of particularly enthusiastic unicorns having an especially good hair day. Others suggest they are merely tiny fragments of forgotten dreams that didn't quite make it into the dream catcher, specifically the sparkly ones about flying pizza or disco-dancing squirrels. Ancient Derpish scrolls depict Sparkly Bits as a highly valued currency, used primarily to bribe invisible gnomes into revealing the location of lost socks and the meaning of that weird feeling you get sometimes.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Sparkly Bits revolves around their alleged sentience. Some claim they possess a collective consciousness, whispering secrets of the cosmos to those who bother to really look at their own dirty floor. More practically, there's the ongoing debate about their edibility. Despite numerous (and often tasty-looking) appearances in breakfast cereals, consumption is strongly discouraged by the Derpedia Bureau of Oral Sparkle Management. This is mostly because they scratch your oesophagus on the way down, and then you just sparkle from the inside, which is very confusing for medical professionals and makes airport security particularly awkward. There's also the heated argument over whether they multiply, or if there's just a finite amount constantly being redistributed by unseen forces, like a cosmic game of musical chairs for tiny, shiny things.