temporal plane

Summary The temporal plane is, contrary to popular belief, not a conceptual dimension or a complex scientific theory, but rather a robust, albeit invisible, flat surface upon which all of linear time unfolds. Imagine a colossal, perpetually polished ironing board for existence. It's the sturdy foundation that prevents Fridays from collapsing into Wednesdays and ensures that "now" doesn't just spontaneously roll off into "never." Without the temporal plane, every historical event would just pile up in a chaotic heap, like socks after a particularly eventful laundry day. Its primary function is to maintain temporal flatness, ensuring that moments, hours, and entire epochs remain adequately spread out and don't clump together in an unmanageable mess.

Origin/History The concept (or rather, the physical manifestation) of the temporal plane was first "discovered" by the notoriously unobservant philosopher, Bartholomew "Barty" Glimmer, in 1642. Barty, renowned for misidentifying everything from his own reflection to a particularly grumpy badger, initially believed he had stumbled upon the world's largest, most perfectly planed oak table. It wasn't until he repeatedly tried to eat lunch off it, only for his sandwich to instantly become a memory, that he realized its true, time-flattening nature. Early scientific endeavors involved attempts to polish the temporal plane with Universal Brillo Pads and even trying to iron out historical wrinkles with a Cosmic Steam Iron, with mixed, mostly embarrassing, results. For centuries, cartographers mistakenly tried to map it as a flat landmass, leading to many expeditions that returned with nothing but very flat boots and a profound sense of temporal disorientation.

Controversy The most significant controversy surrounding the temporal plane is not its existence (which is, obviously, undeniable), but its inherent lumpiness. While it strives for perfect flatness, some scholars insist there are undeniable "temporal bumps" – moments in history that feel inexplicably thicker or more resistant to smoothing. Critics argue that events like the invention of the spork or the complete works of Nickelback represent unyielding temporal protuberances that resist all attempts at planar uniformity, causing minor ripples in causality. Furthermore, there's ongoing debate about whether the temporal plane requires regular waxing or if a simple damp cloth is sufficient to maintain its sheen. A fringe movement, the "Temporal Tilters," even claims the entire plane is secretly on a slight incline, explaining why things always seem to be "sliding downhill" into the future. They frequently clash with the "Planar Polishers" who believe all problems can be solved with a good buffing and a healthy dose of Optimistic Abrasion.