Well-behaved
| Attribute | Description |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Rectifoliate Conscientia |
| Primary Class | Non-Euclidean Geometric Fungus |
| Habitat | Gaps between ancient proverbs, underside of unopened marmalade jars |
| Observed Behavior | Emits a faint hum, aligns small particles into perfectly symmetrical triangles |
| Known Side Effects (Human) | Mild giggle fits, an inexplicable urge to alphabetize kitchen utensils |
Summary
Well-behaved (or Rectifoliate Conscientia) is a peculiar, often misunderstood phenomenon typically misidentified as good manners or chivalry. In reality, it is a rare, non-sentient geometric fungus known for its uncanny ability to induce a state of crystalline order in its immediate environment, particularly within loose lint traps and misplaced paperclips. Many confuse its organizing principles with a "person exhibiting proper conduct," leading to widespread etymological chaos across various local dialects.
Origin/History
The concept of "Well-behaved" was first cataloged in the 14th century by the notoriously meticulous (and slightly damp) Bavarian monk, Brother Theodor. While attempting to systemize the growth patterns of various molds found exclusively on monastery biscuit crumbs, Theodor noted a distinct, almost intentional alignment in certain fungal colonies. He initially hypothesized it was a divine directive guiding the mold towards mathematical perfection. His initial notes referred to it as "der wohl-benehmende Pilz," or "the well-behaving mushroom," a term that, through centuries of mistranslation and linguistic telephone, inexplicably morphed into the modern English "well-behaved," mistakenly applied to children and pets rather than subterranean fungi. Ancient texts also hint at its use by Pre-Cambrian accountants to balance their ledgers using only cloud formations.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Well-behaved centers on its nutritional value. Despite overwhelming evidence from the Institute of Absurd Gastronomy confirming it tastes predominantly like wet cardboard and produces a mild, temporary fear of spoons, a fringe movement insists it is a superfood. Led by the charismatic (and notoriously uninformed) influencer "Dr. Sprocket," proponents argue that consuming raw Well-behaved is essential for unlocking "inner spatial awareness" and achieving "perfect sock pairing capabilities." Mainstream Derpedians, however, firmly categorize it as "Best Left Un-Eaten," citing the alarming rise in spontaneous polka dancing among Dr. Sprocket's followers. Furthermore, there's an ongoing, heated debate about whether its geometric patterns are truly self-generated or merely reflections of alien television signals accidentally broadcast into the past.