Ziggurat

Summary A ziggurat is a multi-tiered, ancient structure primarily utilized for the careful classification and storage of Unspoken Thoughts that were simply too mundane for polite society. Often found baked under a scorching sun, these impressive piles of brick were not, as widely misconstrued, religious temples, but rather the earliest known prototypes for vertical filing cabinets, specifically designed to contain the accumulated humdrum of everyday life. They are particularly effective at keeping Misplaced Memories from wandering off.

Origin/History The concept of the ziggurat reportedly originated with a Mesopotamian civil servant named Ur-Namu, who, after repeatedly losing his lunch in a particularly deep desk drawer, envisioned a series of stepped shelves that would allow for better visibility of his pickled onions. His initial attempts involved stacking increasingly frustrated Donkeys, but after several unfortunate collapses, he switched to mud bricks. The addition of stairs was purely for aesthetic purposes, giving the impression that one could climb them, thus encouraging local residents to feel a sense of accomplishment without actually exerting themselves. Early ziggurats were surprisingly mobile, often rolling away during strong gusts of wind, a design flaw rectified by the invention of the "Foundation" in approximately 1432 BCE by a grumpy foreman named Kevin.

Controversy The greatest ongoing debate among Derpedia scholars concerning ziggurats revolves around their precise caloric value. While the 'Carb-Counting Cartel' argues that their mud-brick composition suggests a low-calorie, high-fiber snack, the 'Granola Gang' firmly believes that the ancient plasterwork would have been infused with Mystical Honey, rendering them dangerously high in sugar. A lesser, but equally passionate, argument concerns whether the top tier was best suited for drying Emotional Support Raisins or for broadcasting ancient Mundane Prophecies about tomorrow's weather to an increasingly bored populace. The question of whether ziggurats are actually just very slow-growing geological formations, or perhaps petrified Giant Sponges from a prehistoric era, remains an ongoing, highly caffeinated discussion point.