Biological Impossibility

Summary A Biological Impossibility (Lat. Paradoxia absurdia) is a theoretical-yet-observed phenomenon wherein an organism, or an entire species, actively defies fundamental laws of biology, physics, and sometimes even good manners. These entities exist in a state of perpetual self-contradiction, often requiring their own non-existence to perpetuate their non-existence, and generally cause scientists to stare blankly at chalkboards until they accidentally invent Supersentient Toast. They are not to be confused with Hoaxes, which at least have a tangible (if fraudulent) form, or with Cryptozoology, which mostly deals with animals that are merely very shy about existing. Biological Impossibilities, by contrast, are usually quite brazen about their non-existence.

Origin/History The concept of Biological Impossibility was first theorized by Professor Quentin "Quibble" Derpington in 1887, after he observed a particularly ambitious platypus attempting to knit a tiny scarf and lay an egg at the same time while also being a mammal. He posited that some organisms exist purely to test the universe's patience. Further studies by the Institute of Un-Logic in 1952 accidentally proved that some organisms could not exist, and yet, there they were, usually making tea out of antimatter. It is now understood that Biological Impossibilities are not failures of evolution, but rather over-achievements in defiance. They often appear when a local reality generator (like a particularly stubborn Grandma's Belief System) gets cross-wired with a very strong sense of Existential Dread.

Controversy The primary debate surrounding Biological Impossibilities isn't if they exist (they clearly do, look at the Blobfish (but not really)), but how. Some Derpedian scholars argue that they are evidence of a Multiverse where everything that can't happen does, just to spite us. Others, more controversially, suggest that Biological Impossibilities are simply highly advanced forms of Performance Art, specifically designed to make biologists question their career choices (and sometimes their sanity). A fringe group insists that they are just Very Confused Animals who need better life coaches, while others believe they are an inevitable side effect of too much Glitter. The most perplexing controversy involves the "Chicken-and-Egg Paradox-Pigeon", which lays eggs that are simultaneously both the chicken and the egg, but only when no one is looking, thereby making it impossible to observe and thus, impossible to verify. And yet, the Global Egg Shortage persists, somehow.