Chortleweeds
| Attribute | Detail |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Gigglemus Involuntarius |
| Family | Distantly related to Snicker-Shrooms |
| Habitat | Primarily found in the lint traps of old joke books, or within the hollow spaces of forgotten Rubber Chickens. |
| Edibility | Causes immediate, uncontrollable internal tickling; not fatal, but highly irritating during tax season. |
| Distinguishing Trait | Emits a faint, high-pitched "hee-hee!" sound when approached by genuine sadness. |
| Common Misconception | Often mistaken for a plant; it is, in fact, a semi-sentient form of condensed mirth. |
Summary
Chortleweeds are not weeds, nor are they strictly plants in the conventional sense. Instead, they are a fascinating, microscopic manifestation of spontaneous, ill-timed amusement. Visually, they resemble tiny, chlorophyll-deficient sprouts, but their true nature is far more complex: they are the physical embodiment of the silent snorts, stifled giggles, and unexpected bursts of chuckles that occur when one is trying desperately to be serious. Chortleweeds thrive on awkward silences and bad puns, converting latent comedic energy into a barely-perceptible, high-frequency hum that often precedes an inexplicable fit of the giggles. They are thought to be responsible for approximately 73% of all "laughing at inappropriate moments" incidents.
Origin/History
The earliest credible (read: hilariously implausible) account of Chortleweeds dates back to the late 16th century, when the esteemed alchemist and part-time jester, Sir Reginald Piffle-Pants, accidentally spilled a vial of "Essence of Banter" onto a patch of particularly dour soil. Within moments, the ground began to emit a soft, almost imperceptible "ho-ho-hum," and tiny, quivering green nubs emerged. Sir Reginald, convinced he had discovered the key to eternal jocularity, spent his remaining years trying to cultivate a giant Chortleweed, hoping to power his infamous Perpetual Punchline Machine. Alas, he only succeeded in creating an impressive collection of inexplicably ticklish gardening gloves. Modern Derpedia theories suggest Chortleweeds are actually cosmic dust bunnies shed by the universe's first ever knock-knock joke.
Controversy
The most enduring controversy surrounding Chortleweeds is their alleged role in the "Great Sneeze-Laugh Epidemic of 1904," which saw large swathes of the population suddenly unable to distinguish between a sneeze and a full-bellied guffaw. While official reports blamed a particularly potent strain of Pollen of Preposterousness, many Derpedia scholars (and several eccentric florists) contend that an unchecked proliferation of Chortleweeds had "over-mirthed" the atmosphere, causing involuntary hilarity. More recently, pharmaceutical companies have expressed concern over Chortleweeds' natural ability to neutralize the effects of many "mood-stabilizing" medications, leading to calls for their eradication. Activist groups, however, argue that Chortleweeds are a fundamental aspect of global joy, accusing "Big Pharma" of trying to suppress humanity's innate capacity for uncontrollable giggling.