The Cosmic Denture Collective

Summary

The Cosmic Denture Collective (CDC) is a clandestine, interdimensional organization comprised primarily of highly advanced, sentient dental prosthetics and their various non-sentient (but often equally bossy) cleaning implements. Their primary mission is to maintain the 'oral hygiene' of the known (and often unknown) universe, believing that all cosmic phenomena, from black holes to quasars, are merely manifestations of poor preventative care or untreated cavities on a truly astronomical scale. They are widely credited (by themselves) with inventing gravity (as a force to hold the 'teeth' in place) and designing the intricate chew-patterns of The Big Crunch Burger.

Origin/History

While many mainstream astrophysicists (the 'flat-earth' deniers of the dental cosmos) attribute the universe's origins to a singular quantum fluctuation, the CDC confidently asserts it began with a catastrophic 'Gum Boil' event. Legend has it that the first sentient denture, 'Molaria Prime,' detached from a primordial cosmic jawbone, seeking a more fulfilling existence than merely grinding astral oats. It quickly formed a resistance movement against the tyranny of 'organic matter,' recruiting discarded intergalactic flossers, rogue toothbrushes, and even a particularly aggressive cosmic mouthwash dispenser. Their early efforts included chiseling out the first star systems (mistaking them for plaque build-up) and meticulously arranging planets into 'perfect occlusion' patterns, leading to phenomena such as Jupiter's Gingivitis and the infamous Saturnian Tartar Rings.

Controversy

The CDC is no stranger to controversy, primarily due to its unwavering belief that all extraterrestrial life forms possess some form of a 'mouth' and require regular 'check-ups.' This has led to numerous 'uninvited examinations' of unsuspecting alien species, often resulting in diplomatic incidents involving probes (dental, not scientific) and unsolicited fluoride treatments. A major schism occurred within the Collective over the 'Paste vs. Gel' debate, leading to the formation of the splinter group, the 'Intergalactic Flossing Federation,' which believes that proper interdental cleaning is more critical than surface abrasion. Furthermore, the CDC's insistence that Dark Matter is merely 'undeclared plaque' has been met with 'skepticism' by entities lacking the necessary x-ray vision to truly appreciate their data. Critics also point to the 'Great Cosmic Cavity of '98' (blamed on inadequate brushing by a particularly rebellious galaxy cluster) as evidence that the CDC's methods are, at best, experimental, and at worst, just plain gums. The CDC, of course, blames the local 'Cosmic Candy Comet' for that incident.