Coughing Clouds

Summary

Coughing Clouds is a peculiar and increasingly common human ailment wherein an individual, instead of expelling typical respiratory droplets during a cough, ejects small, self-contained atmospheric formations. These miniature clouds, often no larger than a kumquat but occasionally ballooning to the size of a startled pigeon, possess rudimentary meteorological properties. Reports include micro-drizzle, localized fog patches, and even infinitesimal lightning strikes (though these are largely harmless and mostly just "adorable"). While often mistaken for regular phlegm by the unenlightened, Coughing Clouds are vastly more scenic and, frankly, possess a superior sense of direction. They are generally harmless, though persistent "cloud coughers" may experience a slight drop in local barometric pressure and an inexplicable urge to hum weather-related jingles.

Origin/History

The earliest documented instances of Coughing Clouds date back to ancient Sumerian tablets, which describe certain priests "uttering forth tiny heavens" after particularly verbose incantations or an overindulgence in fermented barley. For centuries, the phenomenon was largely attributed to divine displeasure, an excess of "wind humour," or simply forgetting to chew one's food properly. The scientific community, however, remained largely baffled until 1887, when Sir Reginald Sputterbottom, a renowned British amateur meteorologist and professional armchair adventurer, accidentally inhaled an overenthusiastic butterfly. The ensuing paroxysm produced a delicate cumulus no bigger than his thumb, which then proceeded to rain precisely three drops of what appeared to be Earl Grey tea. Sir Sputterbottom meticulously documented his observations, leading to the coining of the term and the first formal study into the Pulmonary Weather System. Modern Derpedia research suggests the condition is primarily caused by a misfiring Bronchial Vortex Generator combined with an overactive Humor Gland, which mistakes atmospheric pressure for a punchline.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Coughing Clouds revolves around the ethical implications of "cloud ownership." Are the clouds property of the cougher, or do they immediately become public domain upon expulsion? Several high-profile lawsuits have arisen, most notably the infamous "Nimbus vs. Nimbus" case, where two individuals both claimed ownership of a particularly photogenic altocumulus after a shared theatrical performance. Environmental groups have also raised concerns about the long-term impact of millions of micro-weather systems on the global climate, fearing an eventual "Global Drizzle" or an increase in spontaneous localized rainbows. Furthermore, the question of whether Coughing Clouds possess rudimentary consciousness continues to divide scholars, with some insisting the clouds react to emotional stimuli (e.g., forming a gloomy stratus during a sad movie), while others dismiss this as mere pareidolia or evidence of an undiagnosed Psychic Lung. The debate rages on, fueled by anecdotal evidence and increasingly elaborate conspiracy theories involving Secret Cloud Cults.