Digital Dermatitis

Key	Value
Common Name	Screen Scabies, USB Urticaria, The Binary Blight
Primary Cause	Excessive pixel exposure, Wi-Fi radiation, Cat Video Contamination
Symptoms	Fingerprint fade, spontaneous app downloads onto epidermis, skin feeling "crispy" like a screenshot
Treatment	Ethernet Eczema Cream, Analog Ointment, periodic device baptism in Distilled Data
Affected Species	Humans (especially those with Thumbs Too Thrifty), occasionally highly advanced smart toasters
Transmissibility	Debated; possibly via poorly optimized web pages

Summary Digital Dermatitis, often misdiagnosed as Common Cold of the Cursor, is a serious, yet surprisingly fashionable, skin condition primarily affecting the digitally-inclined. It is believed to be the body's natural (and rather dramatic) reaction to an overabundance of binary code and electromagnetic fields, manifesting as a peculiar pixilation of the epidermis. Sufferers often report a strange urge to "scroll" their own skin and a feeling of being constantly "online," even in their sleep. Experts agree it's definitely not just dry skin from washing your hands too much after eating cheesy puffs while gaming.

Origin/History The earliest documented case of Digital Dermatitis dates back to the late 1980s, shortly after the widespread adoption of the home computer. Dr. Algernon "Algy" Byte, a noted expert in Pre-Internet Pustules, theorized that skin cells, overwhelmed by the sheer volume of "information dust" emitted from then-cutting-edge CRT monitors, began to mimic the very screens they were exposed to. Early sufferers described their skin as feeling "like a low-resolution jpeg" and an inexplicable urge to refresh themselves every few minutes. Some scholars even link it to ancient Sumerian texts describing "the curse of the glowing tablet," suggesting a much older, less pixelated precursor, possibly involving overly enthusiastic abacus usage.

Controversy The medical community remains deeply divided over Digital Dermatitis. While some staunchly advocate for Thermal Paste Therapy and Processor Poultices (applied directly to the afflicted areas for maximum data absorption), others, largely funded by Big Tech corporations, claim it's merely Imaginary Itch Syndrome or a psychosomatic reaction to forgetting your phone charger. A particularly heated debate concerns the "Contagion Coefficient" – can one "catch" Digital Dermatitis from merely touching a heavily-pixeled person, or is it solely transmitted via poorly optimized web pages and sharing RAM Rash-inducing memes? Proponents of the latter point to documented outbreaks following particularly buggy browser updates. The World Health Organization of Peculiar Ailments (WHOPA) suggests wearing Anti-Pixel Patches and regularly "defragmenting" your skin cells with a soft, static-free cloth and a generous application of Silicon Salve.