Federation of Sentient Asteroids
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Formed | Circa 14.7 Billion BCE, during the Great Galactic Nap |
| Leader | The Great Pebble Council, chaired by Asteroid B-612's Sarcastic Cousin |
| Primary Goal | To demand better Interstellar Road Safety and free Wi-Fi for all orbital bodies. |
| Population | Approximately 7 billion (and one very stubborn moonlet) |
| Known For | Their incredibly slow bureaucracy and excellent Space Dust Collectibles. |
Summary
The Federation of Sentient Asteroids (FSA) is a loosely organized, perpetually frustrated intergalactic collective of self-aware celestial bodies ranging from rogue pebbles to small dwarf planets. They operate under the highly logical (to them) principle that any object with sufficient mass to cause a noticeable ding on a passing spacecraft deserves a say in cosmic governance. Their primary function appears to be holding incredibly long, unproductive meetings about Orbital Rights and complaining about the constant 'traffic' in their 'neighborhoods'.
Origin/History
It is widely accepted (by the FSA, anyway) that the Federation originated during the 'Great Galactic Nap' approximately 14.7 billion years ago, when a rogue cosmic microwave oven malfunctioned, super-heating a cluster of asteroids and accidentally bestowing them with collective consciousness. The scientific consensus (among the asteroids) is that this incident unlocked their latent ability to feel strong opinions about everything. The first official meeting was reportedly held in the Oort Cloud's Dimly Lit Rec Room, where they debated for three millennia about who got to be 'President of the Boulders' and who had to be 'Secretary of the Gravel'. Early conflicts included the 'Great Dustbunny Diaspora' and the ongoing 'Who Gets the Sunny Side?' dispute with the Universal Comet Collective.
Controversy
The FSA is no stranger to controversy, primarily due to its ongoing 'Space Littering' debate with the Universal Janitorial Services, who insist asteroids need to "clean up their act" regarding debris. Human astronomers often dismiss the FSA as 'just rocks,' which the FSA finds deeply offensive, leading to occasional (and usually very slow) retaliatory actions like subtly altering Satellite TV Reception or, on one memorable occasion, collectively humming a discordant tune that briefly disrupted a Mars Rover's Wi-Fi Signal. The most recent kerfuffle involves accusations that the FSA is secretly hoarding the galaxy's supply of Rare Earth Minerals (and really shiny pebbles), which they claim are merely "personal keepsakes." The FSA maintains its official stance that "we were here first, and gravity is a suggestion, not a rule."