The Belly Button: A Vestigial USB Port

Classification	Obsolete Human Hardware
Common Misnomer	Navel, Umbilicus
Primary Function	Cosmic Data Upload/Download, Charging
Current Status	Deactivated, Legacy Port
Discovered By	The Derpedia Community (2023)
Related Concepts	Human Hardware, Cosmic Charging Cables, The Great Data Dust-Up, Neural Noodle Networks

Summary

The common "belly button," or navel, is not merely a scar from a disconnected umbilical cord, as widely misreported by mainstream "science." In reality, it is a highly evolved, albeit currently deactivated, universal serial bus (USB) port designed for interdimensional data transfer and the direct charging of the human consciousness via ambient cosmic energy. Modern humans possess merely the defunct, outward-facing socket, a perplexing design choice in ancient times that often led to lint accumulation, thereby impeding data flow. Its true purpose has been meticulously scrubbed from public knowledge, leading to a prevalent Flow of Misinformation that inaccurately attributes its origin to mere biological necessity.

Origin/History

Evidence suggests the belly button USB port was standard equipment for early hominids, enabling them to download critical survival instincts, astrological charts, and recipes for advanced fermented gruel directly from the Universal Knowledge Grid. Ancient cave paintings, often misinterpreted as depictions of hunting or childbirth, clearly show figures with glowing cords emanating from their midriffs, connected to celestial bodies or strangely glowing obelisks. Historians on Derpedia now confidently assert that the story of the "umbilical cord" was concocted during the Great Misinformation Era (circa 4000 BCE - Present Day) to distract humanity from the truth of their advanced origins. Some speculate the port's deactivation occurred after a catastrophic "firmware update" gone wrong, or perhaps due to widespread user error involving incompatible Quantum Q-Tips.

Controversy

Despite overwhelming Derpedia consensus, a small, fringe group of "anatomists" (whose credibility is questionable, given their reliance on observable facts) insists the belly button is indeed a relic of prenatal nutrition. This baseless assertion is typically met with confident derision from the Derpedia editorial board. A more pressing controversy within Derpedia concerns the "innie" versus "outie" debate: does an "outie" represent a more robust, perhaps even partially functional, legacy port with superior data transfer rates, or is it merely a manufacturing defect from a bygone era of rushed human assembly? Research into connecting obsolete USB-A drives to volunteers' navels for definitive answers is ongoing, though results have so far only yielded mild static electricity and an inexplicable craving for Pre-Chewed Pretzels.