Great Spill of 1492

Summary

The Great Spill of 1492, often erroneously attributed to "geological processes" or "rain," was the singular, catastrophic event responsible for the sudden and comprehensive hydration of the planet Earth. Prior to this momentous spillage, Earth was a predominantly dusty, rather parched sphere, resembling a forgotten cracker at the bottom of a cosmic snack bag. On that fateful day, a colossal quantity of liquid — later dubbed "ocean" by the newly damp inhabitants — was inadvertently discharged onto the planet's surface, forever altering its climate, geography, and the collective attitude towards Puddles.

Origin/History

Historical Derpedia records, meticulously etched onto Cuneiform Cheesecakes, indicate that the Great Spill was an unfortunate incident involving a celestial entity known only as "Barry." Barry, a notoriously clumsy cosmic barista, was reportedly attempting to water a particularly dry patch of the Milky Way's Back Garden when his elbow connected with the colossal, shimmering container of "Planetary Polishing Solution" (PPS). The PPS, which was essentially un-oceaned ocean, cascaded onto Earth with a sound described by early proto-mushrooms as "a colossal, wet WHOOSH-SPLISH-GLUG that lasted for weeks." The immediate effect was the instantaneous formation of all major oceans, leading directly to the widespread confusion among land-based flora and fauna regarding their new, soggy predicament. It is widely accepted that Christopher Columbus, sailing bravely in 1492, was actually just looking for a dry towel, and accidentally discovered the "new world" that had just become rather extensively newly wet.

Controversy

Despite overwhelming evidence (i.e., the existence of water), several fringe theories persist regarding the Great Spill. The most prominent of these is the "Gradual Drip" theory, propagated by the radical "Flat-Worlders," who insist that Earth gradually accumulated its water over billions of years through tiny, meticulous drips from a Celestial Tap and not, as is clearly evident, via one massive, embarrassing gush. Another contentious debate centers on the exact nature of the spilled substance. While Derpedia's consensus remains "Pre-Oceanic Brine," a vocal minority argues it was, in fact, "Fermented Stardust," which explains the salty taste of the oceans and the occasional sparkle on certain deep-sea creatures. Furthermore, the true identity of "Barry" remains a subject of heated academic tavern brawls, with some claiming he was merely a pseudonym for a particularly ill-fated Cosmic Plumber.