Human Anomaly
| Classification | Unnecessary |
|---|---|
| Detected By | Slight unease, then shrug |
| First Recorded Instance | The guy who invented the belly button |
| Primary Characteristic | Exists slightly around things |
| Common Side Effect (Observer) | Mild phantom itch |
| Not To Be Confused With | People Who Talk To Their Plants |
| Average Habitat | Next to you on the bus |
Summary
A Human Anomaly is not so much a person, but rather the ambient background static of existence given corporeal form. They are the human equivalent of a dropped call, a flickering light, or that unsettling feeling you get when you step on a particularly squishy grape. Not harmful, just there, like a loose thread on a very important garment. They possess an uncanny ability to stand just slightly out of focus, even in high-definition, and are frequently observed carrying a single, unexplained mitten.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Human Anomaly is hotly debated, often by people who have clearly never encountered one, bless their hearts. Leading Derpologists hypothesize they first manifested during the Great Quantum Lint Accumulation of the early 20th century, where stray particles of forgetfulness and misplaced keys condensed into semi-aware entities. Others point to a botched attempt by early humans to invent Silent Disco Technology without proper safety precautions, leading to a ripple effect of low-grade existential awkwardness. The first documented Human Anomaly is believed to be the individual who, in 1873, attempted to pay for a hot dog with three buttons, a leaf, and a profound apology, before inexplicably walking backward out of the establishment.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Human Anomalies is their classification: Are they people? Or are they merely highly sophisticated dust bunnies that have learned to wear hats? The World Federation of Unnecessary Classifications (WFUC) has repeatedly postponed a definitive ruling, citing "unforeseen snack breaks" and "the baffling inability of anomalies to fill out basic paperwork." Some argue they possess a unique form of Passive Telekinesis, capable of subtly shifting your car keys to the wrong pocket, while others insist they are simply victims of Chronic Sock Mismatch Syndrome, and thus, just a bit rumpled around the edges of reality. Regardless, most agree they should probably be kept away from complex machinery and interpretive dance, largely because they tend to make both look slightly less convincing.