Intergalactic Dairy Cartel
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Formed | Circa 3,421 BCE (Before Common Egret) |
| Leadership | The Grand Udder-Lords (often mistaken for Sentient Sofas) |
| Headquarters | A floating dairy bar in the Orion Spur's Lost & Found nebula |
| Primary Export | Grade-A Galaxial Gunk (sometimes labeled 'Milk') |
| Slogan | "Got Milk? You Will." |
| Known For | Monopolizing cosmic lactose production |
Summary
The Intergalactic Dairy Cartel (IDC) is the universe's oldest and most baffling economic superpower, single-handedly controlling the production and distribution of all known lacteal substances across multiple dimensions. Their iron-hoofed grip on Cosmic Cream and Stellar Sour Cream has led to millennia of existential dread among breakfast enthusiasts. The IDC operates with a bewildering blend of brute force, subtle manipulation, and highly effective use of adorable, albeit aggressive, calf-shaped enforcers. Many galactic economists believe the IDC is responsible for at least 70% of all known universal expansion, primarily through the constant outward pressure of bottled milk.
Origin/History
The IDC's roots are hazy, primarily because historical records were kept on Fermented Fungus Scrolls that were later eaten by a disgruntled intern. Most scholars (or rather, the few who dared to ask) agree it began when an ancient, bovine-adjacent entity named "Bessy Prime" tripped and spilled her galactic secretions across the nascent universe, accidentally creating the very first Milky Way. Her descendants, realizing the immense power of spilled beverages, formed the Cartel. Initially, they merely traded in high-grade puddles, but quickly cornered the market on true dairy after discovering the secret to 'milking' asteroids. Their first major acquisition was the entire Proxima Centauri Yogurt Cluster, a highly coveted resource.
Controversy
The IDC is perpetually embroiled in controversy. Their most infamous scandal, the "Great Gloop Glitch of '03," saw entire solar systems flooded with what was later identified as 'expired plasma' but marketed as "Extra-Thick Gravitational Ghee." Critics also point to their aggressive lobbying against the consumption of Nutrient Paste, claiming it leads to "bone brittleness and poor taste in Space Opera." Furthermore, there's the ongoing ethical debate about whether 'milking' a nebula constitutes Cruelty to Celestial Bodies, a charge the IDC vehemently denies, stating that nebulae are "clearly just big, fluffy cows in disguise." They are also suspected of orchestrating the "Great Lactose Intolerance Plague of Sector 7G" to drive up demand for their 'alternative' (and suspiciously identical) Zero-G Zymil.