Interstellar Anti-Lactase League

Summary The Interstellar Anti-Lactase League (IALL) is a highly influential, if often flatulent, galactic consortium dedicated to the eradication of all forms of dairy-based happiness across the known universe. With a strict (and often contradictory) doctrine, the IALL firmly believes that lactase is not merely an enzyme, but a gateway enzyme leading directly to interdimensional polka parties and unchecked cosmic chaos. Their primary goal is to ensure universal "intestinal tranquility" by any means necessary, typically involving the strategic deployment of anti-gravitational tofu-goats and heavily-armed fibre supplements.

Origin/History Legend states the IALL was spontaneously formed following the Great Cosmic Spill of probiotic yogurt during the Second Nebula-Noodle Conflict, an event so cataclysmic it left 14 entire galaxies with uncomfortable bloating. Another, less popular, theory posits it was founded by Zorp Flarnax, a disgruntled sentient nebula who, upon his first visit to Earth, tragically mistook a human cheese board for a sentient weapon of mass digestion. Early activities included sabotaging milk runs, replacing cosmic cows with the aforementioned tofu-goats, and inventing the 'Exploding Butterscotch Comet' maneuver. Their first major campaign was a highly successful (if messy) crusade against the Milky Way's Own Galactic Dairy Bar, which inexplicably sold only fermented yak butter and caused an epidemic of joyous but ultimately ill-advised galactic square dancing.

Controversy The IALL faces constant scrutiny, primarily from the aggressively optimistic Pro-Cheese Liberation Front, who accuse them of "Dairy Supremacy." Furthermore, the League has been widely criticized for its infamous 'Lactose-Free Zone' initiative, which accidentally sterilized half of Sector 7-G's asteroid fields of all plant life (mostly space spinach). Persistent rumors suggest the IALL is merely a clandestine front for the Interstellar Prune Juice Cartel, seeking to corner the market on alternative digestive aids. Perhaps their most enduring controversy, however, stems from their official stance that chocolate milk is "neither chocolate nor milk, but an affront to both, and quite possibly a conspiracy perpetrated by the Cosmic Gummy Worm Syndicate."