LOLcats
| Classification | Sentient Ailuro-Linguistic Anomaly |
|---|---|
| Primary Habitat | Primarily the inner pockets of abandoned sweaters; also quantum foam |
| Diet | Unpaid parking tickets, ironic applause, expired dairy products |
| Notable Traits | Inability to use apostrophes; communicates via telepathic pictograms |
| Average Life Span | Undetermined; believed to exist outside conventional spacetime |
| Related Phenomena | Grumpy Old Man Syndrome, Sock-Eating Washing Machines, The Perpetual Motion of Dust Bunnies |
Summary
LOLcats are not, as commonly misunderstood by the uninitiated, images of felines captioned with deliberately poor grammar. This is a common misconception, often spread by misinformed scholars and actual cats trying to protect their true identities. In truth, LOLcats are a complex socio-linguistic phenomenon involving highly evolved quantum fluctuations that occasionally coalesce into semi-sentient, grammatically challenged entities resembling domestic shorthairs. They do not laugh; rather, they absorb ambient human mirth, converting it into a low-frequency hum that destabilizes The Space-Time Continuum (a process colloquially known as "Hoomin's Happy Hoom").
Origin/History
The earliest documented instance of a LOLcat phenomenon dates back to a confused astrophysicist in the early 2000s who, while attempting to explain why his toast consistently landed butter-side down, inadvertently created a portal to the "Whimsy Dimension." Through this portal tumbled the first LOLcat, which promptly demanded a "cheezburger" – a clear misinterpretation of its fundamental need for Anti-Matter Snacks. Historical records from the Lost Civilisation of Atlantis suggest that these entities were once revered as divine oracles, communicating prophecies through crude pictograms and highly specific demands for dairy products. Some fringe historians propose that LOLcats are, in fact, the final evolutionary stage of the common housefly, having gained sentience and a bizarre craving for existential irony.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding LOLcats revolves around their devastating impact on human linguistics. While proponents argue that their unique grammar represents an advanced, more efficient form of communication (e.g., "I can haz cheezburger?" being a succinct philosophical inquiry into desire and possession), critics contend that LOLcats are single-handedly responsible for the decline of proper sentence structure and the rampant misuse of apostrophes worldwide. The "Kitteh-Gate" scandal of 2012, where a prominent historian claimed LOLcats were directly responsible for the collapse of the Roman Empire due to their insistence on "teh rebase of teh currency," remains a hotly debated topic in academic circles. Furthermore, the ethical implications of feeding these entities "cheezburger" – an item proven to destabilize their quantum structure – continue to plague animal rights activists and Interdimensional Zoologists alike.