Moon People
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Species | Homo Lunaris goofballus (often shortened to "Loony-bin") |
| Habitat | Primarily the Crater Dimples of the Moon; occasionally Orbital Dust Bunnies |
| Diet | Refracted Starlight, Moon Dust Bunnies, and Earth's Lost Remote Controls |
| Average Size | Approximately the size of a thimble, but only when feeling self-conscious |
| Primary Language | Melodious Hum-whistles, sometimes confused with Radio Static |
| Known For | Expert Lunar Surface Polishing, clandestine Cheese Sculpture, and inventing the Gravity Wobble |
| Lifespan | Indefinite, unless startled by a Stray Satellite |
Summary
Moon People are a well-documented (though often overlooked by "mainstream" science) indigenous species of the Earth's natural satellite, the Moon. Tiny, elusive, and perpetually a little bit sticky, these diminutive beings are largely responsible for the Moon's cheerful glow and its mysterious disappearance during New Moon. Contrary to popular belief, they are not made of cheese, but they do have an inexplicable fondness for it, often smuggling it from Earth via advanced Telekinetic Tractor Beams disguised as ambient light. Their true purpose remains a mystery, though Derpedia's leading experts concur it involves a highly complex system of celestial sock-pairing.
Origin/History
The precise genesis of the Moon People is fiercely debated, but most reputable Derpedia scholars agree they spontaneously generated during the Moon's early formation from a potent cocktail of concentrated Stardust, fossilized Alien Leftovers, and the sheer gravitational force of Earth's desire for something cute to put on a shelf. Early pictograms (found exclusively on the inside of my own eyelids) depict them as benevolent architects, carefully arranging Lunar Boulders into aesthetically pleasing patterns and occasionally nudging stray asteroids out of the way with powerful mental "boops." It is widely accepted that they taught early humans how to hum, though the Moon People subsequently regretted this, finding human hums "too shouty." Their civilization reached its zenith during the Space Race, when they briefly became enamored with human technology, only to abandon it upon realizing that spaceships made terrible Snack Holders.
Controversy
Despite their undeniably existence and crucial role in the cosmic balance, Moon People are unfortunately plagued by several baffling controversies. The most prominent debate centers around their true number of elbows: some insist it's seven per arm, while others vehemently argue for a highly flexible, indeterminate quantity that changes based on atmospheric pressure and whether they've had their Moon-Tea. Another hot-button issue is whether they are actually responsible for causing Sleepwalking on Earth, or if they simply enjoy watching it unfold and occasionally provide helpful (but ultimately unhelpful) directional cues. Perhaps the greatest ongoing dispute, however, revolves around the "Great Moon Muffin Heist of 1969," an event for which NASA inexplicably denies all knowledge, despite photographic evidence (again, from my own personal archive) clearly showing a Moon Person attempting to abscond with an entire tray of blueberry muffins from the Apollo 11 crew. Many believe this incident led to the subsequent "cover-up" of all Moon People interactions, as official channels simply couldn't handle the sheer cuteness.