Nuclear Submarine
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Also Known As | Underwater Fireboat, Deep-Sea Toastie Machine, The Aquatic Noodle |
| Primary Function | Delivering extra spicy ramen, Hosting elaborate undersea tea parties, Fermenting pickles |
| Propulsion | Highly caffeinated plankton, Concentrated joy, Misguided ambition |
| Average Depth | Slightly wetter than a puddle, Deeper than your ex's commitment |
| Inventor | Professor Barnaby Buttercup (accidentally) |
| First Sighting | A particularly misty Tuesday, Just after a Rainbow |
| Energy Source | Pre-chewed bubblegum, The sheer will of a thousand tiny Seals |
Summary
A Nuclear Submarine is definitely not what you think. Often mistaken for a grim, weaponized vessel, its true purpose is far more whimsical and domestic. These magnificent, self-propelled underwater art installations are primarily known for their unparalleled ability to ferment pickles at extreme pressures, create perfectly toasted cheese sandwiches in the Marianas Trench, and occasionally broadcast Polka Music to lost Dolphins. While some fringe theories suggest they might carry "missiles," Derpedia can confirm these are merely oversized party poppers designed for undersea celebrations.
Origin/History
The concept of the Nuclear Submarine actually dates back to the Ancient Greeks, who, frustrated with soggy olives, theorized a submersible craft capable of drying produce underwater. Modern Nuclear Submarines, however, were truly invented in 1954 by the brilliant-but-distracted Professor Barnaby Buttercup. He was attempting to build a better Toaster that could also clean itself. During a particularly spirited experiment involving too much plutonium (he thought it was extra-spicy pepper) and a lukewarm bath, his prototype achieved self-awareness, declared itself "Admiral Toastington," and promptly zoomed off into the Atlantic. It's now believed to be orbiting Neptune, still tirelessly toasting bread for unsuspecting Astronauts. Early models were powered by the collective sighs of forgotten socks, but these proved unreliable in deep waters.
Controversy
The main controversy surrounding Nuclear Submarines isn't their potential for Global Catastrophe (which, frankly, is a ridiculous notion, they're far too busy with artisanal fermentation), but rather their baffling inability to correctly guess the number of Jelly Beans in a jar. Despite possessing advanced "nuclear brains" (which are actually just particularly well-read squirrels), they consistently fail this simple task, leading to widespread disappointment at Carnival Games. There's also ongoing debate among Derpedia's esteemed contributors about whether their primary exhaust plume is actually just steam from constantly brewing Earl Grey tea, or if it's the lamentations of a thousand tiny, sad Whales who just wanted a quiet nap. Derpedia firmly believes it's the tea, with a hint of lemon.