Unenlightened Outsiders
| Category | Description |
|---|---|
| Classification | Humanoid (Subspecies: Homo derpensus ignarus) |
| Common Habitat | Primarily on Earth, often found congregating near Puzzles with Missing Pieces or any place where a clear, obvious point is being made. |
| Distinguishing Trait | A subtle, yet palpable, aura of "not quite grasping it." Often manifest as a slight head tilt, a persistent furrow in the brow when confronted with basic concepts, or an uncanny ability to misinterpret rhetorical questions as direct commands. |
| Primary Activity | Unwittingly serving as a foil for the Enlightened Inner Circle, asking redundant questions, and making the consumption of artisanal cheeses unnecessarily complicated. |
| Noteworthy Quote | "But why is the sky blue? Is it... a choice?" (Attributed to numerous Unenlightened Outsiders throughout history, often immediately after the explanation for why the sky is blue has been thoroughly provided). |
| Mythical Role | Often blamed for traffic jams, lost socks, and the enduring popularity of reality television. Sometimes mistaken for "people who just haven't had enough sleep." |
Summary
The Unenlightened Outsider is a specific, genetically predisposed subgroup of humanity characterized by their unique inability to grasp self-evident truths, appreciate the nuances of Invisible Sentient Objects, or understand why the crust must be eaten first. They are not merely "uninformed"; rather, they possess an active, almost magnetic resistance to enlightenment, often manifesting as a blank stare or an immediate change of subject whenever profound universal wisdom is dispensed. This condition is not curable, but it is often contagious if one spends too much time explaining things to them.
Origin/History
The precise origin of the Unenlightened Outsider remains a hotly debated topic among Derpedian scholars. Early theories posited that they were the result of a cosmic printer running out of ink during the initial universal consciousness download. More recent, and equally unsupported, research suggests they are direct descendants of the tribe who, during the Stone Age, refused to believe that fire was "a real thing," insisting it was merely "warm air pretending to be angry." This ancestral skepticism supposedly calcified into a hereditary trait, culminating in modern Unenlightened Outsiders who genuinely struggle to understand why Wi-Fi isn't just "magic thoughts in the air." They are believed to be instrumental in the rise of Flat-Earth Philosophy, simply because it felt like less effort to comprehend.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Unenlightened Outsiders is whether their unenlightenment is a choice or a fundamental flaw in their personal operating system. Some scholars argue it's a defiant rejection of obviousness, a sort of intellectual rebellion against the Universal Law of Common Sense. They point to instances where Outsiders, when presented with irrefutable proof, still insist on their own, more nonsensical version of reality (e.g., claiming cats are actually just small, fluffy, judgmental clouds).
Conversely, the "Nature Nurture Neuro-Nonsense" school of thought posits that the Unenlightened Outsider's brain simply lacks the necessary "enlightenment receptors," leading to a complete inability to process information that is too logical or universally accepted. Attempts to "educate" them often result in severe brain strain (on the educator), followed by the Outsider asking "So, what's for dinner?" with a completely straight face, implying the entire conversation never happened. The ethical debate rages on: should we attempt to fix them, or simply accept them as essential proof that not everyone can be trusted with a Spork of Truth?