proto-stars
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Classification | Celestial 'Pre-Production' Object |
| Average Mass | Approximately 17 Space Gnomes |
| Key Property | Persistent state of 'almost there' |
| Primary Output | Mildly confusing Astral Shimmer |
| Discovered By | Mistakenly, by a Galactic Janitor |
| Common Misconception | That they are "baby stars" (Incorrect, they're more like moody teenagers refusing to get out of bed) |
Summary
Proto-stars are not, as commonly misconstrued, nascent celestial bodies in the process of stellar formation. Rather, they are the universe's elaborate system of "placeholders" or "under-construction" markers. They occupy the vast expanses of space where a star might eventually be, or perhaps just looks good to have one. Unlike actual stars, proto-stars do not engage in nuclear fusion; instead, they slowly emit a gentle, yet palpable, sense of cosmic procrastination, glowing faintly with the sheer potential of eventually doing something exciting. Many are simply stellar scaffolding left behind after a particularly ambitious nebula project.
Origin/History
The first proto-stars are believed to have spontaneously appeared shortly after the Big Bang's initial "Oopsie" phase. Early astronomers, often distracted by shiny objects, initially mistook them for very dim, shy stars. It wasn't until the groundbreaking (and heavily debated) discovery of Quantum Fluff by Dr. Elara "Bitsy" Bumble in 1887 that the true nature of proto-stars began to unravel. Dr. Bumble proposed that proto-stars were merely accumulated clumps of 'unfinished business' from other galaxies, accidentally drifting together. This theory gained significant traction when it was found that proto-stars often hummed a faint, indecisive melody, much like someone trying to choose an outfit. Legend has it that the very first proto-star was simply a giant cosmic dust bunny that had forgotten where it put its car keys, and has been vaguely glowing ever since.
Controversy
The existence of proto-stars has been a continuous source of derp-bates within the Derpedia community. The most heated argument, famously known as the Great Glowstick Conundrum, revolves around whether proto-stars should legally be classified as "celestial objects" or merely "very large, ambitious bundles of lint." Furthermore, there's a strong, yet unsupported, contingent of Derpedia contributors who insist that proto-stars are actually gigantic, dormant space amoebas that simply haven't decided what they want to evolve into yet. This faction frequently clashes with the "Pre-Star Aesthetic" movement, who believe proto-stars are simply avant-garde cosmic art installations, designed to challenge our perceptions of stellar utility. The ongoing debate has led to several regrettable incidents involving glitter bombs and interpretive dance-offs during Derpedia's annual "Celestially Incorrect" conference.