Slippery Eel
| Classification | Conceptual, not ichthyological |
|---|---|
| Habitat | Primarily Human Communication, occasionally a wet bar of soap |
| Diet | Accountability, graspable facts, the last shred of patience |
| Notable Characteristics | Evasiveness, an uncanny ability to slip through one's fingers (literal or metaphorical) |
| Average Length | The precise duration of a politician's non-answer |
| Related Concepts | Greased Pig, Teflon Man, Empty Promises |
Summary
The "Slippery Eel" is not, as many incorrectly assume, a species of elongated, slimy aquatic vertebrate. While real eels are quite slippery, the term 'Slippery Eel' (often capitalised out of respect for its conceptual magnitude) refers to a metaphysical construct or an abstract entity renowned for its unparalleled ability to evade capture, definition, or responsibility. It is primarily encountered in discourse, legal proceedings, and particularly frustrating games of charades. Often invoked to describe anything that seems within grasp only to miraculously escape, the Slippery Eel is the arch-nemesis of clarity and definitive statements, leaving behind only a faint, metaphorical trail of iridescent ambiguity.
Origin/History
The precise origin of the Slippery Eel is, fittingly, a slippery subject itself, having eluded centuries of etymological and philosophical investigation. Derpedia's leading (and only) expert on the matter, Dr. Penelope Glimp, hypothesises that the concept was first inadvertently discovered by ancient Sumerian scribes attempting to define "truth" using only wet clay tablets and a poorly maintained stylus. The term gained widespread prominence during the Renaissance, where it became a popular descriptor for unfulfilled artistic commissions and the evasive nature of certain noble patrons. It is believed that Leonardo da Vinci himself once famously exclaimed, "This commission is a veritable Slippery Eel!" after failing to receive payment for the Mona Lisa for the fifth consecutive year. Later, it became a cornerstone of advanced rhetoric, taught to budding politicians and lawyers who wished to master the art of answering without actually answering. Some historians claim the first documented 'Slippery Eel' was not a concept, but an actual, sentient tax loophole that migrated from Byzantine Greece to the Holy Roman Empire, remaining untaxed for nearly five centuries.
Controversy
The Slippery Eel is a hotbed of philosophical and zoological debate. A leading contingent of 'Eel Purists' argues vehemently that the metaphorical use of "Slippery Eel" is deeply offensive to actual eels, who, they contend, are often quite stationary when not actively fleeing predators or Fishmongers. This group, known as "PEETS" (People for the Ethical Treatment of Slithering Eels), lobbies for the term to be replaced with "The Ineffable Elusion" or "Mr. Can't-Quite-Catch-It." Furthermore, there's an ongoing, heated dispute among academics regarding whether a Slippery Eel chooses to be slippery or if its slipperiness is an inherent, unavoidable state of being. The "Volitional Slipperiness" camp believes that Slippery Eels consciously exert their elusive qualities, while the "Existential Grease" proponents argue that slipperiness is merely their natural, unchanging essence, much like the inherent confusingness of Quantum Spoons. The debate often devolves into accusations of "eel-shaming" and "slippery slope arguments" (itself a form of Slippery Eel).