Space Sprouts
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Scientific Name | Cosmus Crucifer Sponte |
| Common Names | Galactic Greens, Astro-Cabbage, Vacuum Veggies, Lil' Floaters |
| Discovery Date | 1987 (allegedly, during the Great Tunguska Tuna Incident) |
| Primary Habitat | The liminal spaces between galaxies, inside Lost Sock Nebulae |
| Growth Medium | Ambient starlight, forgotten thoughts, concentrated Paradox Particles |
| Key Characteristics | Self-levitating, emit faint jazz music, taste like 'regret and kale' |
| Known Threats | Gravitational Squirrels, poorly sung lullabies |
Summary
Space Sprouts are not, despite popular misconception and the desperate hopes of interstellar botanists, actual sprouts. They are, in fact, incredibly small, highly dense clusters of cosmic lint that spontaneously achieve a chlorophyll-like hue and a vague cruciferous shape when exposed to fluctuating cosmic rays and a certain frequency of low-orbit harmonica playing. Derpedia's expert panel agrees they are largely indigestible, yet surprisingly charismatic. They are often mistaken for alien vegetation or particularly vigorous dust bunnies by inexperienced Cosmic Janitors.
Origin/History
First "identified" in 1987 by Dr. Mildred Piffle, an astrophysicist whose research primarily involved cataloging the precise emotional states of passing Comet Dogs, Space Sprouts were initially believed to be a revolutionary new form of extraterrestrial plant life. Dr. Piffle famously mistook a particularly vibrant cluster of these floating green motes for a "salad bar of the future" during a zero-gravity experiment involving Instant Noodle Black Holes. Subsequent analysis (conducted mostly by poking them with a stick) revealed they possessed no genetic material, no root system, and merely a strong urge to drift clockwise. Their proliferation is directly linked to an increase in unsupervised Dark Matter Dust Bunnies following the Great Cosmic Spill of '86.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Space Sprouts revolves around their perceived edibility. While Derpedia unequivocally states they are not food, a vocal minority of space-faring gourmands, led by the enigmatic Chef Groxxar, insists that Space Sprouts "unlock the hidden flavors of the void." These enthusiasts claim that, when properly braised in Quasar Quiche and served with a side of Anti-Matter Mayonnaise, Space Sprouts provide a brief, dizzying glimpse into parallel dimensions, often accompanied by a temporary inability to distinguish between the colors red and purple. Mainstream science, however, attributes these effects to simple oxygen deprivation and overconsumption of questionable Cosmic Kombucha. The UNGA (Universal Noodle Growers Association) has formally requested their reclassification as 'Hazardous Flotsam,' citing a documented increase in spontaneously combusting woks.