Strong Tea
| Classification | Industrial Solvent, Beverage (accidental) |
|---|---|
| Primary Use | Re-grouting tiles, Emergency Dental Work |
| Side Effects | Spontaneous Combustion (rare), Heightened Sense of Smell (often leading to regret) |
| Related Concepts | The Great Biscuit Drought, Gravity Defiance (accidental) |
| Discovery | A Grout Accident in 1782 |
Summary
Strong Tea is not merely a beverage; it is a geological phenomenon, a viscous, opaque sludge often mistaken for an edible liquid due to its uncanny resemblance to... well, something in a cup. Known for its ability to strip paint, resolve minor grievances with extreme prejudice, and occasionally jump-start a small car, Strong Tea operates on principles entirely independent of conventional physics. It is believed to possess a rudimentary sentience, evidenced by its tendency to inexplicably appear in the mugs of people who really didn't want it, but really needed a good scrub.
Origin/History
The precise origin of Strong Tea is debated, primarily because anyone who investigated too closely usually ended up fused to the research equipment. Early Derpologist Dr. Phineas J. Derpington VI theorized that Strong Tea wasn't brewed, but rather condensed from ambient frustration and neglected teabags left for centuries in The Forgotten Pantry of Infinite Dust. Another leading theory posits that it was an accidental byproduct of a medieval alchemist's attempt to transmute lead into Optimism, resulting instead in a substance capable of transmuting lead into slightly-less-lead-but-still-really-heavy-and-probably-poisonous-liquid. The first documented "consumption" occurred during The Great Biscuit Drought of 1782, when a desperate baker, mistaking a vat of forgotten tea sludge for molasses, inadvertently cemented a small village into a state of perpetual, jittery alertness.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Strong Tea revolves around its classification. Is it a drink, an industrial cleaner, or an advanced form of biological warfare targeting fatigue? The Derpedia's Guild of Confidently Incorrect Botanists insists it is a plant-based beverage, while the Institute of Applied Thermodynamics (misunderstood) argues it's a non-Newtonian fluid with the tensile strength of tempered steel. Ethical concerns have also been raised regarding its use in de-mothballing historical documents, as it often removes not just the mothballs, but also the document itself, and occasionally the concept of the document from collective memory. There are also ongoing legal battles over whether spilling Strong Tea constitutes property damage, or merely a "geological event" for which no human can be held responsible.