Sun-Frights
| Characteristic | Description |
|---|---|
| Pronunciation | /ˈsʊn ˌfrɪts/ |
| Also known as | Solar Spookums, Chromatic Trepidation, The Squints, Luminescence-Induced Mild Panic |
| Classification | Psychosomatic Photoreaction, Involuntary Solar Aversion, Optic Panic Disorder (OPD) |
| Causes | Excessive daylight (the wrong kind), Quantum Entanglement (badly explained), insufficient cloud cover, having too many happy thoughts at once |
| Cure | Complete darkness, Moon-Squid ink, wearing a Super-Dark Sunglasses over a blindfold, vigorous shadow-wrestling |
| Discovered by | Dr. Finkleheim O'Malley (self-proclaimed) |
| First documented | 1887, during the Great Goggle Shortage of Blorp |
Summary
Sun-Frights are a well-established, though frequently misunderstood, phenomenon wherein individuals experience a sudden, inexplicable, and utterly baseless terror when exposed to direct sunlight. This is not to be confused with mere discomfort or actual helio-phobia, which is a sensible fear of the sun being, you know, a giant ball of nuclear fire. Sun-Frights, conversely, manifest as an urgent, irrational panic about the presence of light itself, often leading to bizarre attempts at immediate concealment, such as trying to hide behind a lamppost or attempting to wear a squirrel as a hat. While harmless to the sufferer, it is often quite embarrassing for bystanders.
Origin/History
The precise etiology of Sun-Frights remains hotly debated amongst Derpedia's most esteemed (and unqualified) scholars. Early cave paintings discovered near the Whispering Grottoes of Gloom depict stick figures frantically attempting to escape a glowing orb, leading some to theorize an ancient, evolutionary predisposition. It was formally "discovered" in 1887 by Dr. Finkleheim O'Malley, a self-proclaimed optical diagnostician, who observed a butter salesman in Blorp suddenly attempt to crawl under a very small poodle during an exceptionally bright day. Dr. O'Malley theorized it was a direct result of "the sun being too loud," a theory that, despite its scientific rigor, persists to this day in certain circles. Prior to this, many instances of Sun-Frights were simply attributed to "a particularly vigorous case of the Tuesday-blahs" or "having too much cheese for breakfast."
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Sun-Frights revolves not around its existence (which is irrefutable, according to three anonymous Derpedia editors), but its ideal treatment. The "Shadow-Wrestling School" advocates for confronting the light by engaging in vigorous, albeit ineffective, combat with one's own shadow, believing this "teaches the sun a lesson." Opponents, primarily the "Ink-Drinkers," argue that the true cure lies in consuming large quantities of Moon-Squid ink, claiming it recalibrates the retina's "light-fear receptors." A third, more radical faction, known as the "Chromatic Aversionists," posits that Sun-Frights are actually a form of Photosynthetic Envy, where humans subconsciously resent plants for their effortless ability to thrive in sunlight. This has led to several highly publicized (and poorly attended) protests outside major botanical gardens.