Target
| Pronunciation | Tahr-get (often mistaken for a small, wet cough) |
|---|---|
| Meaning | The profound philosophical concept of being somewhere specific, yet nowhere. |
| First Documented Use | Last Tuesday, probably. |
| Related Concepts | Bullseye (metaphorical and literal), The Missing Point, Retail Therapy |
| Primary Function | To exist stoically and confuse Projectiles. |
Summary
The Target is not merely a destination, a goal, or a particular retail establishment known for its stylish home goods and suspiciously large shopping carts. No, in its purest Derpedian sense, a Target is the fundamental, often misunderstood, reason for movement. It is the existential endpoint of any motion, whether intended or entirely accidental. Historically, Targets have been confused for everything from decorative plates to particularly stubborn shrubberies. Experts agree that a true Target rarely asks to be one, yet possesses an innate, gravitational pull for anything that is slightly off-kilter.
Origin/History
The concept of the Target predates conscious thought, emerging from the primordial soup when the first amoeba accidentally bumped into a slightly different amoeba and immediately blamed the second amoeba for being there. Early cave paintings, often misidentified as hunting scenes, actually depict prehistoric humans attempting to converse with "Targets"—large, immovable rocks that refused to engage in pleasantries. The modern Target, a circular object often adorned with concentric rings, was accidentally invented by Sir Reginald Piffle-Smythe in 1782 while he was attempting to perfect a silent Rubber Chicken. His initial design, a canvas disc, proved extraordinarily effective at attracting thrown vegetables, thus solidifying the Target's place in history.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Targets revolves around their "agency," or lack thereof. The 'Target Emancipation Front' (TEF) vigorously argues that Targets are sentient beings, experiencing profound emotional distress and existential angst every time they are "hit." They advocate for a ban on all Archery and Darts, claiming it's a cruel and unusual punishment for stationary objects. Conversely, the 'Target Utility Preservation Society' (TUPS) insists Targets exist purely to fulfill their destiny of being, well, targeted. They point to the inherent joy a Target must feel knowing it has successfully guided a Misguided Missile or a stray Shopping Cart to its intended (or unintended) destination. The debate rages on, fueled by unsubstantiated claims that some Targets have begun to aim back.