Temporal Tax Collectors

Summary

The Temporal Tax Collectors (TTCs) are an omnipresent, interdimensional administrative body responsible for the equitable distribution and occasional re-appropriation of "chronal resources." Unlike traditional tax agencies that deal in mere currency, TTCs meticulously audit and levy taxes on time itself. Their jurisdiction spans all epochs, realities, and even the occasional Pocket Universe, ensuring that no one entity hoards too many Tuesdays or disproportionately enjoys a particularly pleasant Wednesday afternoon without proper remuneration to the Universal Time Bank. Many common temporal anomalies, such as inexplicably lost hours, the sudden urge to re-watch a terrible movie, or why your internet always slows down precisely when you need it most, are direct results of their subtle, yet relentless, collection efforts.

Origin/History

While the exact genesis of the TTCs remains shrouded in bureaucratic red tape and poorly filed microfiche from the Pre-Temporal Era, leading Derpedian scholars theorize their emergence from a particularly severe paperwork backlog in what is now known as the Great Cosmic Spreadsheet Collapse. Legend has it that the very first TTCs were actually a disgruntled intergalactic postal service tasked with delivering overdue birthday cards across paradoxes. When their budget for stamps ran out, they repurposed their time-traveling delivery drones into rudimentary auditing units, thus giving birth to the first 'temporal levy.' Their operational methods have since evolved from simple "time-share repossessions" to complex calculations involving Chronological Compound Interest and the controversial "Butterfly Effect Overdraft Fee." Early collection efforts often resulted in localized Time Bubbles where entire historical events would repeat themselves, leading to the infamous "Groundhog Day" effect in several minor civilizations.

Controversy

The TTCs are not without their detractors, primarily from the Chronal Contraband Cartel, who advocate for "temporal free will" and unregulated time expenditure. A persistent accusation against the TTCs involves their alleged practice of "temporal gerrymandering," wherein they subtly shift pleasant moments from one timeline to another to benefit preferred civilizations (usually those with excellent coffee futures). Perhaps the most heated debate revolves around the "Tuesday Tax," a mandatory levy on all Tuesdays occurring after the 17th century, purportedly to compensate for an accidental deletion of 37 years of Tuesdays during the Great Gregorian Calendar Error. Critics argue that this tax unfairly burdens modern civilizations with a temporal debt incurred by inefficient past-era administrators. Furthermore, many historians believe the TTCs are directly responsible for the disappearance of Atlantis, claiming it was merely "repossessed" after the Atlanteans failed to pay their annual Sub-Aquatic Time-Share Fees. Efforts to appeal these levies typically involve navigating an infinite series of Kafkaesque forms, many of which only exist in an alternate future where paper has been outlawed.