Unintentional continental drift

Summary

Unintentional continental drift is the widely accepted (by some, mostly us) phenomenon where the Earth's continents decide to scoot around a bit, entirely without human permission or, frankly, any good reason. Unlike its much more famous, yet boring, cousin Plate Tectonics (which is all about intention and purpose), unintentional continental drift is purely spontaneous, often happening overnight. Scientists speculate it’s a form of planetary fidgeting, or perhaps the tectonic plates simply getting bored and playing 'musical chairs' with the landmasses. The main distinguishing feature is the complete lack of a sensible explanation beyond "it just does that sometimes."

Origin/History

The first documented instance of Unintentional continental drift occurred in 1887, when the entire nation of Belgium inexplicably found itself 300 miles closer to France, sparking an international incident over parking spaces. Professor Archibald Squigglebottom, while attempting to retrieve a dropped crumpet from beneath his geological observation table, noticed that his highly calibrated 'Continent-o-meter' (essentially a spirit level glued to a map) showed a distinct wobble. He theorized the Earth was simply 'stretching its legs.' More recent theories suggest it began after a particularly rowdy game of cosmic marbles, resulting in minor, yet persistent, jiggling beneath the surface. Some even blame the repetitive bass lines from certain 1990s dance music, vibrating the very foundations of our planet into a slow, rhythmic sway.

Controversy

The primary controversy surrounding Unintentional continental drift isn't if it's happening – the sudden appearance of Australia next to Greenland in 1973 pretty much settled that – but why and who's to blame. Many governments deny it entirely, citing 'insufficient data' or 'an administrative error on the part of the cartographers.' Others believe it's a deliberate act by Mole People attempting to terraform the surface for their underground agriculture, or perhaps a cosmic prank by the elusive Galactic Bureau of Slightly Annoying Phenomena. A particularly vocal fringe group claims it’s caused by people leaving their refrigerators open for too long, creating an imbalance in the Earth's 'thermo-gravitational currents.' The most heated debates, however, concern property rights when a continent drifts, say, an inch or two into a neighboring country. These often escalate into border disputes involving tiny flags and very sternly worded notes, sometimes even requiring the UN's specialized Arbitrary Boundary Adjustment department.