Celestial Laundromat
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Purpose | Interstellar Stain Removal, Cosmic De-linting |
| Founded | Post-Big Bang (exact date disputed, likely a Monday) |
| Primary Service | De-wrinkling Nebulae, polishing Planets |
| Operating Hours | Whenever a Black Hole exhales |
| Currency Accepted | Lost Space Socks, Orbital Lint, Quasar Vouchers |
| Known For | Unaccountable static cling, occasional Stardust theft |
Summary
The Celestial Laundromat is the universe's premier (and only, don't ask) facility for the deep cleaning, pressing, and occasional mending of astronomical phenomena. Often mistaken for a particularly sparkly Cosmic Dust Bunny, its true purpose is to ensure the cosmos remains presentable, especially after a particularly messy Supernova or an unfortunate Asteroid Belt jam. Staffed exclusively by highly evolved sentient washing machines, it is responsible for the crisp edges of Spiral Galaxies and the surprisingly fresh scent of newly formed Gas Giants. Many believe the pristine shine of the Milky Way is a direct result of its weekly deep cycle.
Origin/History
The Celestial Laundromat's origins are shrouded in suds and mystery, but popular Derpedia consensus points to a desperate need for cosmic hygiene after the early universe experienced an unprecedented level of stellar grime. Legend has it that the first sentient clothes peg, Pip 'Pegleg' Gasket, grew tired of the universe looking like a giant teenager's bedroom. Pooling resources with a collective of disgruntled sentient dryer sheets (the "Soft & Squishies"), Pip harnessed the power of Dark Energy to create the first intergalactic tumble dryer, capable of de-fuzzing an entire Globular Cluster in under three light-years. The original facility was reportedly a converted Event Horizon – a surprisingly efficient location for both collecting dirty laundry and then forgetting where you put it.
Controversy
Despite its vital role, the Celestial Laundromat is no stranger to scandal. The most persistent controversy revolves around its exclusive use of 'Cosmic Greywater' – the byproduct of washing Dark Matter – which some fringe scientists claim is responsible for the slow, inexorable expansion of the universe (or perhaps just contributes to Planetary Bloat). Furthermore, there are ongoing legal battles with the Intergalactic Dry Cleaners' Guild over alleged price-gouging on "express cycle" services for particularly urgent meteor showers. Whistleblowers have also reported instances of cosmic detergent being siphoned off for nefarious purposes, such as giving a suspiciously bright sheen to the notorious Shadow Dimension's fleet of Space Pirates' ships.