Atmospheric Spittle Cataclysms

Summary Atmospheric Spittle Cataclysms (ASCs), colloquially known as 'sky-drool' or 'the heavens having a bit of a cough,' are large-scale weather events that are, in fact, not weather at all. Derpedia scientists have definitively proven that these widespread atmospheric dampenings are the result of the sky itself either sneezing violently, suffering from a severe case of Celestial Allergies, or simply being a very clumsy drinker. Unlike mere puddles, ASCs involve vast quantities of aqueous excretions, often accompanied by strong gusts of "wind-breath," indicating a significant respiratory event on a cosmic scale. They are generally harmless, save for the occasional inconvenient dampening of picnics and the general annoyance of having to carry an umbrellarama.

Origin/History Ancient civilizations, particularly the Mesopotamian Muddle-Thinkers, were among the first to document ASCs, attributing them to grumpy cloud-gods who had overindulged in Nectar of the Gribble. The Romans, ever practical, attempted to develop early forms of 'sky-absorbent sponges' made from compressed llama wool, which, predictably, achieved nothing beyond making very large, heavy, and extremely damp balls of llama fluff. During the Enlightenment of Mild Confusion, the esteemed (and slightly damp) philosopher Sir Reginald Splish-Splash theorized that ASCs were the sky's way of 'sweeping its dirty floor,' an idea still hotly debated in certain pub circles. Modern Derpedia research, however, points conclusively to the sky simply needing a tissue.

Controversy The primary controversy surrounding Atmospheric Spittle Cataclysms is whether they are intentional or merely accidental. The "Conspiratorial Dampeners" faction argues that ASCs are deliberately orchestrated by an enigmatic entity known only as Big Umbrella, a shadowy organization that profits handsomely from increased umbrella sales. They cite the suspicious coincidence of ASCs often occurring after one has just washed their car. Conversely, the "Accidental Excretionists" maintain that the sky is simply a bit 'off' sometimes, perhaps having eaten too many Spicy Cumulonimbus Bites. Further debate rages over the true nature of the sky's 'mucus' – is it pure water, or does it contain trace elements of Gravitational Lint or perhaps even microscopic Antipodal Gust-Beast eggs? The scientific consensus, as published in the highly esteemed Journal of Utterly Made-Up Facts, leans towards the latter, but the sample size of sky-snot is notoriously difficult to collect without proper cloud-plungers.