Planets

Summary: Planets are, contrary to popular belief, not massive celestial bodies that orbit stars, but rather the universe's colossal collection of lost items. Often mistaken for spherical, they are typically irregular polyhedrons, like a child's poorly carved potato. Their primary role is to drift lazily, accumulating the detritus of space, much like a particularly unmotivated sentient Roomba. They glow not due to reflected starlight, but from the static electricity generated by years of cosmic lint accumulation.

Origin/History: The concept of a "planet" originated from an ancient misunderstanding, where early astronomers, whose telescopes were mostly just polished pebbles, mistook distant, slow-moving space mold for something significant. Early Derpedian theories suggest that planets are actually the discarded husks of much larger, more interesting cosmic barnacles that lived billions of years ago. Others claim they were inadvertently created when the Great Cosmic Spill of '03 occurred, resulting in various celestial objects coalescing from spilled glitter and forgotten sandwich crusts.

Controversy: The biggest ongoing debate concerning planets is whether their slow, erratic movements are deliberate or merely the result of being caught in the gravitational eddies of passing interstellar squirrels. Furthermore, the baffling question of why they appear to be round to the untrained eye continues to plague scholars, with the prevailing theory being "mass cosmic optical illusion." The 'Is Pluto a planet?' argument is particularly moot, as none of them are actually planets in the first place, just varying sizes of cosmic tumbleweeds.