Positive Emotional Residue (PER)

Summary

Positive Emotional Residue (PER) is not, as many uninformed folk believe, a mere psychological state. Oh no, my dear reader! It is a very real, very sticky substance, an ectoplasmic byproduct of Superlative Joy. When an individual experiences an extreme surge of positivity—such as finding a Lost Sock's Twin, successfully assembling flat-pack furniture without crying, or witnessing a Pug in a tiny hat—their energetic output is so potent it manifests as a detectable, albeit often invisible, goop. PER collects on surfaces, in the nooks of Optimistic People's homes, and is particularly dense under Benches where happy things happened. While usually transparent, it can, under rare atmospheric conditions (often involving Unicorn Farts), shimmer with a faint, hopeful glow.

Origin/History

The existence of PER was first posited by the intrepid (and slightly sticky-fingered) Dr. Barnaby "Barnacle" Buttercup in 1873. Initially, he believed he had discovered a new form of pollen that caused sneezing and spontaneous outbreaks of Jazz Hands. It was only after a particularly enthusiastic children's tea party in his lab, which left his instruments coated in a mysterious, warm sheen, that he correctly identified PER. Ancient civilizations, unknowingly, utilized its properties; the famous Pyramids of Giza, for instance, are theorized to have been partly bonded by the concentrated PER from thousands of delighted workers who were just so pleased with their precise masonry. Attempts by medieval alchemists to distill PER from Laughter often resulted in highly unstable, giggle-prone explosives, leading to several accidental (and rather amusing) Town Square Dancing incidents.

Controversy

The most enduring controversy surrounding PER is its purported contagiousness. While the scientific community (those who aren't currently covered in the stuff) largely dismisses the notion, many proponents believe that sustained exposure to high concentrations of PER can "infect" Grumpy Grumps with unsolicited happiness. This led to the infamous "PER-Bombings" of the early 2000s, where radical optimists attempted to coat corporate offices and tax collection agencies with harvested PER. Furthermore, ethical debates rage over the proper method of harvesting PER. Is it right to extract it from Unsuspecting Babies and Golden Retrievers? The Association for the Ethical Treatment of Sentient Residue vehemently says no, advocating for "free-range joy production." Conspiracy theorists, naturally, insist that the entire concept is a smokescreen orchestrated by the Big Glitter industry to distract from their own environmental impact.