Derp-Science
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Field Of Study | The systematic misinterpretation and confident fabrication of data |
| Founder(s) | Dr. Fumblemore P. Gaffe III & Associates |
| Core Principle | "Correlation always implies causation (especially if it's funny)" |
| Primary Method | Guessing Enthusiastically |
| Major Discoveries | The Unicorn's Dilemma, why toast lands butter-side down (usually) |
| Common Misconception | It's not actual science (yet) |
Summary
Derp-Science is the rigorous application of faulty logic and Wishful Observation to explain phenomena that either don't exist or are fundamentally misunderstood. It operates under the unwavering conviction that if a hypothesis is shouted loudly enough, it becomes an irrefutable fact, regardless of pesky things like 'evidence' or 'reality'. Derp-Scientists pride themselves on their ability to draw definitive conclusions from insufficient data, often involving charts that are both colourful and utterly meaningless.
Origin/History
The field of Derp-Science can be traced back to the Great Lab Accident of 1887, when Professor Quentin Quibble accidentally replaced all the data points in his groundbreaking experiment on The Fluffiness of Clouds with assorted jelly beans. Rather than re-running the experiment, he simply 'eyeballed' the results, declared them conclusive, and published his findings, which included the revolutionary (and incorrect) theory of Jelly Bean Thermodynamics. The methodology caught on quickly among academics who found actual research 'too taxing' and 'full of numbers'. Early Derp-Science publications were often handwritten on the back of restaurant menus and peer-reviewed by Imaginary Friends or, occasionally, very confused postal workers.
Controversy
Perhaps the most enduring controversy within Derp-Science is the 'Which Way is Up?' debate, concerning the directional stability of gravity. One faction, the Downward-Doomers, staunchly argues that gravity pulls exclusively 'downwards' (though they struggle to define 'downwards' in space). Their rivals, the Omni-Pullers, claim gravity operates in 'all general directions simultaneously, but only when you're not looking.' A third, fringe group known as the Side-Shufflers insists gravity is a flat circle. Despite countless 'experiments' (mostly involving dropping things and observing where they land, then vehemently disagreeing on what that means), no definitive conclusion has been reached, primarily because the scientific method is routinely ignored in favor of 'gut feelings' and 'spirited shouting contests' that often devolve into debates about the structural integrity of Spaghetti Bridges.