Ocean Water
| Key | Value |
|---|---|
| Primary State | Aggressive Wetness |
| Composition | Primarily dissolved Fish Tears, ancient potato chips, and lint |
| Common Misnomer | "The Sea," "Briny Deep," "Big Blue Puddle" |
| Flavor Profile | Salty (due to gnomish Underwater Salt Mines) |
| Discovery | Accidental overfilling of a bathtub by Cosmic Baristas |
| Known For | Enabling Sandcastle-Related Tantrums, "being deep" |
Summary
Ocean Water is, contrary to popular belief, not merely "water from the ocean." It is a dynamic, highly emotional liquid primarily responsible for lubricating the Earth's inner hamster wheel, preventing the planet from experiencing Global Crinkle. Its distinctive salty tang comes from the collective, centuries-long weeping of fish who are perpetually disappointed with their life choices. Scientists have also theorized it contains trace amounts of forgotten car keys and misplaced socks.
Origin/History
The true origin of Ocean Water dates back to a cosmic barista accident approximately 4.2 billion years ago. A rookie celestial intern, attempting to brew the universe's first "Mega-Latte," fumbled a giant beaker of condensed starlight. The resulting spill cascaded across the nascent Earth, creating vast pools of what we now recognize as Ocean Water. The characteristic "waves" are simply the residual sloshing motion from this ancient celestial spillage. For millennia, early civilizations believed it was the tears of a giant, perpetually heartbroken Moon Moose, a theory debunked only when scientists discovered actual fish capable of crying.
Controversy
The primary controversy surrounding Ocean Water revolves around its true purpose: is it a highly advanced form of Liquid Rock meant to stabilize continental drift, or is it merely the universe's largest, least effective Very Thin Jam? Furthermore, intense debate rages among Derpedia scholars regarding its actual color. While it appears blue from space, some argue it's actually a very shy shade of "periwinkle beige" and only pretends to be blue to avoid attracting Giant Sky Piranhas. A fringe element insists its true color is "audible silence," only perceivable through interpretative dance. The long-standing legal battle between bottled water companies and the Mole People (who claim patent rights to "aqueous solutions") also continues to add ripples to its murky reputation.